Oh Bondage Up Yours!

Being that I have been busy I forgot to write a little bluurb about the stupidest artist on the fucking planet. It appears tha some guerrila posters have been making the rounds in Los Angeles and one has appeared in Atlanta. And once again the race card creeps it's ugly head in the burough of Smell A. I have nothing against Angelino's any more, but come on it always seems like the race card has been played more times than the first act of South Pacific at Saddleback High School. Black people move into Russian Jew Fairfax District, someone get the race card. Pro athlete with a history of beating his wife and alleged to have killed her. Damn it, get the fucking race card. Hoped up crack head and Pcp lover beat up and tazed the fuck out by LAPD, get the race card. Michael Jackson can't help but grope young ethnic boys of a certain look, alert the town council and while your at it, yup, get the race card. People in LA are starting to sound like those sons of bitches whom used to set off fire alarms in school for fun.
So to the "Artist" whom made these posters, Hey asshole do your homework. And another thing, you might want to take your sorry ass to different parts of the planet to truly understand "socialism". America seems to think (and yes I am going to generalize Americans) that Socialism in all forms is just a gateway to Communism, Fascism and any other stupid ism that the American government wants the people to think is impending doom. Well if your ass was run over by a bus you would want some socialist hospital care and pronto. Me personally I like the posters cause it was probably made by some stupid vapid white suburban moron with long blond hair and glasses. This dumb fuck probably wears a pony tail and drops refferences of "the man" more times than he will ever get the chance to get laid.
The poster doesn't make sense on a practicle level and it should have said something to make people really fear what might happen. Like, "Do as I say or I will set Hillary you on your mother fucking ass!" But I do feel the NHS is far superior than what the U.S. has and that ain't shit. Compared to insurance premiums and health costs and the prevelant greed that is rampant in Capitolist America... Nothing wrong with money I fucking love it... I am always singing,,, you got's to have J.O.B. if you wanna be with me! But still that idiot is a novice at dropping. You know where you go and place stuff that will rile people and not know what to do.. I did some artwork and posted it on a Brotherhood website. I should also mention that it was a blood and honor skinhead site and those bitches threw a hissy fit that Richard Simmons would be proud of. Talk about getting your panties in a bunch. Still they missed the point of skinheads actually listened to Dub and Reggae.. BUt I say give Obama a chance, as I was a dyed in the wool Hillary supporter, I think Obama has alot of ground to cover and doing the best he can considering the current situation.

But I do think that it's ok to satirize political figures with a messaege as long as a point is made or there is a lane of humour to it. What's wrong with that? So I will finish this with a song to the gay skinheads and the cheap seats in the back.. 1.2..3.4!

Ears Everywhere Beware!

With the evident threat of that quasi bitch Adam Shambert threatening to release his liquid disc of shit to the masses and general public. The PR machine has kicked into over drive to embrace his inner fag-you-nous. Some fucking glam quad must have told him this was cutting edge and ffff, fffufufthp, fffefeirm ffuff, fahfahthuurp,.... fierce. Listen Adam, Gary Newman called and wants his look back.

So this is what happens to you when you have aspirations to look like Roisin Murphy, Bjork crossed That Lady Ga bitch with the big honk beak, whom doesn't like to wear pants. And let's start with that mother fucking hair. Any kid from the seventies remembers the claymation Christmas Rudolph Tv show. So what the fuck is going on with that, "Herbie, wants to grow up and be a dentist!", sweep of hair? I blame the tubby bitch camera right. Sorry but to be hired as a stylist shouldn't you have taste, or style first? Kinda like the blind leading the blind. Adam, Missy Elliot called and said she was going to kick your ass, if so much as one squint of jizz stains her throwback costume.
Well props to the art director for distracting Adams chin with that much bigger roll beneath. I Iamgine this will be photo chopped the fuck out and will probably look a little something like this.
and of course first music video his video will look alittle something like this in about five, four three two...

Performance Art.. Bollucks or Just Plain SHIT?!

I've said it once, and I say it again I like to think of my self as a cultured well versed gentleman. I've been known to saunter into gallery spaces and experience the odd performance. But it wasn't till I had a discussion with a client whom is also a artist whom does art installations, that we broached the subject of performance art. Now I normally go for the free cheap booze and the social aspect of it as well. Ok, it's just the cheap(free) booze. But I have had it with these artists whom claim to be deep, thought provoking, and worst of all thinking they are prolific. And when I have a few in me and slightly pickled, well I turn into a art piece myself, or as an ex used to describe me, a piece of work.

Now I am no performance artist and but I can tell what sucks big time when I have to endure 10-20 even an hour of this drivel. There was the drag clown whom spun to circus music while pulling chiffon scarves out his ass in downtown New York circa 1990. Ron Athey's treating the audience to a double ended dildo fuck session cut by a tattooed butler. The green contortionist broad whom bent in all shapes to Burmese music out in Chicago while a projection of vivisection images splashed across her and the stage. Franko B walking a catwalk dripping blood up and down for 14 minutes. And the piece de resistance, a woman covered in leeches fucking her self with some seriously large tailor sheers as the blood soaked leeches poured down her body. That one made me woozy for a week. Flashdance, it ain't!


I mean can you really make a career as a serious artist always pulling things out of your ass?
I read once in Stuart Home's book Defiant Pose about one performance artist whom in the book, took to becoming addicted to heroin of the gallery patrons and the men in the crown would then take turns fucking her. She would suffer for the fact that her body and mind would deteriorate so that you would witness the horror of the drug and depravity first hand. Fair enough, but to me that says something and has a train of thought. I once saw Karen Finley (whom I love) perform and I walked away thinking..."Shessh, the fucking mouth on that broad!" But she still made a point. Okay the apple pie in the pussy was abit too far, but still it was worth the Seven buck shekel I paid to see that. But does the world need another pretentious asshole thinking he's clever by subjecting us to a four minute film of him fondling his moob bolognie tits! Perhaps if your a chubby chaser and you like feeding fat dudes then this is porn for you, but art it isn't.
You know those silly buskers out in South Bank whom pretend to be statues or figures of what can only be described as paper mache costumes to entertain the wayward visitor of London? At least they know that their crap and still make light of the performance cause it's met with humour, followed by the audacity to ask for money. Simply their motive is to make a quick buck and to lazy to get a fucking proper day job. Good on them, make the money, don't let it make you. But I do think most performance art I have seen has been a bit shit and a bit out dated, and getting me drunk isn't going to make the experience that much smoother.
No matter how much I drink. I once went with a friend where we crashed a gallery in my Shoreditch area, as we liked most of the art we made small talk with some of the guests. Good time was had till a hyper morbid Goth was in my path forcing me to loose my balance and place my right leg into what I thought was a multi coloured plexi glass sculpture. Turns out if was paint and paint went everywhere on the gallery floor,grabbing the heaviest thing I could find (her) to counter my balance without falling into the work. The fat goth's dress tore and paint mixed everywhere in the other coloured boxes and her dress. Sadly, hilarity did not ensue. The artist was livid, that fat goth screamed her dress was ruined and the gallery owner thought the whole episode itself was art. Well as I always say, it ain't a party till something's broken. So I offered the fat Goth £5 bucks for her stained muumuu (she refused), and offered to replace the pools of paint to the artist.


Surprisingly, drunk and under due stress I can handle some odd situations quit well. Strangely the footage made it to another gallery on a loop in slow motion then in real time, to most others amusement. Although I am a art school drop out and was actually thrown out of beauty school(long story), I don't pretend to be clever or smart, like some of the shit that's palmed off as high art here.
So yeah, if you're an untalented fat git, whom has no real voice or talent to make an actual point or message. Try performance art. Then why not make an ass of your self and call it art, people will invite you to parties, put you in glossy magazines and call you interesting, just as long as you keep fucking yourself with scissors and wiping shit on your face while reciting Chaucer, your in. Until the next idiot comes and steals your thunder.
But before you think I am opposed to all performances...not true this is how it should be done.

FUCKING EMO! EMO MY ASS!

At the Doncaster convention I couldn't escape the stupidest haircuts on the planet. They were around every corner and I couldn't get away from them. A girl approached me to talk at the bar and telling me how she liked my work and asked what type of music I liked. I gave her a small sample list of varied favorites till she shocked the fuck out of me. Seriously my jaw dropped. Waiffish, petite and covered in more tattoos than her 21 years should ever allow. But she spat, " I don't know who David Bowie is and just don't get it!' to which I was insensed. I looked straight at her and told her. "I should take that fucking studded belt of yours and beat you with it," She reasoned she was emo.. and that was her excuse.

Ok so being an Emo gives you a fucking open door policy to have a bullshit haircut and crap taste in music. Any moron in hysterectamy pants with chopped comb over can scream how unfair the world is and just doesn't understand them. Emo, can suck donkey dicks for all I care.
Evanesence= She sounds like Heart, with a girl whom has cankles the size of Florida and will eventually balloon like Ann Wilson of Heart. She will just look like a goth version of Carnie Wilson from Wilsomn Phillips.
Dashboard Confesional=Who gives a fuck about their confessions as they are a chore to listen to, I would rather blow George Bush than have to listen to this drivel.
Fall Out Boy and those pussies Jimmy Eat World should be sued for noise pollution and those fucking retarded albums they make, or as I like to call them liquid discs of shit.

It's bad enough that these stupid girls sing aliong to songs that portray women as venomous shrill toxic harpies with nothing better to do than to emasculate a guy whom has no dick or balls. But even worse that they walk around in what can only be described as a fucking come over.
So they glamourize suicide and talk about the pain of how nobody understands them in their dark void and hours of need somerwhere in their midweek life crisis. They all look alike and for a bunch of miserable cunts they sure like to cut themselves and preach the virtues of being pure and chaste. In my day we called them fucking wusses and pussies. Further more can we have like a national day where if you see a Emo mong you are here by free to kick them firmly in there ever flat asses!

There should be a national task force in every country to shave their heads and wipe the eye liner from their eyes or even worse I would fucking cornrow their heads. I have a confession to make that when i see these little shits sitting at shows on floors I harbour a deep fantasy to want to step on their fingers cause they are that annoying. I don't, but so want to. I swear they look like sheep. To me it's nothing more than watered down goth for pussies. It's understandable why some of them look so miserable, i would too if I had to walk around with a fucked up hair cut and jeans that split my balls in two.

Boys kissing boys, girls looking like their boyfriends? Can anyone see that the emporer has cum stains and holes in his underwear? Still I will never understand a subculture that embraces being a emotionaly frail as some sort of heavy cross thats cool to bare,

Like Scientology these peoples drive way doesn't hit the house nor the street. Emo is to close to Elmo and thats what these kids look like. Sad Puppets.

Welcome to sunny Doncaster!

Dear friends I seem to be trapped in the ass crack of the fourth demonsion of hell, also knows as Doncaster South Yorkshire. Please send Comfortable bed, Cable TV, good food, and valium.. Casue I am about to cut a bitch! Having a blast with my imaginary enemies. Wish you were here.







After the Iconography Of Masks Show I had to haul my ass to Doncaster for the Tattoo Jam convention hosted by Skin Deep. As my shop was manning a booth I was asked to come by the Editor of Skin Deep himself. So I couldn't say no. So we packed the vehicle and made way on the road, over the hills and through the woods to Doncaster Racecourse we go. No I gotta say that Doncaster isn't so much a city as it is a sleepy town. With only the finest of cuisine to offer the wayward traveller, I was beside my self with hunger, famine, and boredom. Nestled between closed shops and the odd off license with two magazines and not much else there isn't a whole lot to do here othe than gamble and drink. This place is not the place to get yourself into trouble, and believe me I looked. But rather a quiet town in the north, where the Yorkshire accent reigns supreme and friendly people none the less. Albeit not the most stylish, but friendly bunch.
So armed with my tattoo equipment myslef, David and Alessandro made our way for the whole weekend. Tattoo Jam offered seminars to tattoo artist and held a reception hosted by Sailor Jerry Rum. Being that I had partaken of the evil nectar a few days before at the mask show I still felt very drunk so it's best that I behaved and kept a sober frame of mind to tattoo. I went to the Shane O'Neill Tattoo Seminar and The Paolo Tattoo Machine Building seminars and worked the whole weekend. Now when I do conventions, I am always quite busy and was lucky to keep myslef busy and recoup my investment of the booth. But luckily I got to throw in a few social laps and talk to some of the othert artists their during the weekend. I really enjoyed the convention and was amazed how freindly our neighbouring booth guys were. So hello, hi ther and a big howdy to Empire State Tattoo and Trimur We will be doing the show again and we will be gearing up for the Brighton Tattoo convention. I need to be still for a bit and stop making all kindsa crazy projects, schemes and ideas.

The show was full of some of the best artists in the world and was surrounded by some awesome inspiration. As I was luck enough to do a pin up the last day of the convention, I spent a huge bag of coin while their. No the food in this place left little to be desired cause I was one hungry bitch. But with choices like Pizza Hut, KFC, Chicken Pizza Palace, I realized how good I have it in London. I complained and bitched, moaned to anyone and everyone who would listen or not for that matter.
So I armed with my Ipod I went on a mission to suck up some Lacal Kah-Lor.

I thought this was just a 14 year old kid but he turned out to be 20...


Local Yokels

Even people in Doncaster catch VD...and I would just happen to stumble across it.

Doncaster has no gay bar so this is the closest thing to it I could find. No bear bars, this is it! Suit up! Chop chop put the wings on, curtain is about go up!

This is the most glamorous creature I could find,, She is at the pinnacle hight of teenage fashion. Ahh bless.

Alessandro excited that I am paying for dinner.. look at that bitch's face, you think he'ld never eaten before.

Iconography Of Masks!

I have had a hell of a social schedule and am hence here by stricken from making and or cooking up any hair brain schemes for the time being. The Mask Show went on without a hitch, from what I can remember. The Sambucca shots poured and remember tall tales and luckily didn't fall into any displays or make an ass out of myself. But I always believe it ain't a party till somethings broken. Lucky for me the masks were a hit and the three day gathering garnered quit a bit of press. Showing at galleries is always a bit hectic till the work is actually hung and I have a few in me to quell the demon satan child that lurks in me. Thanks to Jason and Manko and Resistence Gallery for a splendid evening. The Running theme seemed to be pain and death. One womans mask was a tribute of her parnter whom died a week after they broke up. Hopefully Gary and Jason can make the show travel and a documentary will be featured for the exhibition as well. I added my two cents of crazy ramblings to the film and should be coming to a space near you in the future. (fingers crossed)
So here is the night shinanigans, Enjoy.




As you can clearly see I can not hold my composure in the graces of of fine art even when I am one of the artists showing.

Tattoos Of Insporation.

When I tattoo I would not necessarily say that I have a favorite type of style. Nor would I say that I only like doing one particular type of work over say another. I like to work and with my schedule the way it is, I am glad that people like what I do and try my best to accomodate them. Still it can be work and I am no where near where I want with my own work, so i keep at it an hope that it comes together. But I get inspired by other artists work and hold a high regard for these artists. There are tattoo artists whom only like to do one particular style or thing, and that's cool. But these dudes will always make me try and up my motherfucking game. I state this because when I see their work, it just surpasses what I feel is traditional tattooing and moving it to a level of actual art, and to me thats where the fun come in. The Pay off after hours of labour and deep concentration a work that is permanent is made.

Kore Flatmo= Just an unbeleivable artist and his work is stuning. the contrasts, colour, contrats, EVERYTHING.
I plan to get tattooed by him eventually. The guy fucking rules.

Jan= Original approach to tattoos and very interesting designs. Outside the box tattooing. Another on my list to be tattooed by.

Buena Vista Tattoo Club= Genius and again just unconventional appraoch to a tattoo design. Really Inspiring.

Kari Barba= Flawless and an amazing all round artist.

Mike Devries= Raising the bar on colour and just awesome in his colour theory and approach to his painterly technique.

Jack Rudy= Legend along with Mark Mahoney, before Kat Von D these guys were doing chicano black and grey before fucking Discovery made every little wigger want to look like he came from the barrio. These guys redefined black and grey work

So there it is just a fe of the artists whom work my brain to keep striving. Them and the guys whom taught me. Bob Vessels, Jamie Schene, Marc Paramore and Luis Favela..aka Papi! without these guys in my life I wouldn't be where I am at today and I owe them a great deal.. so on bended knee I pay them proper respect.

At the mo I am going to be taking a break for a few days asI have Skin Deep's Tattoo Jam Convention to do in Doncaster and I am exhibiting their with my shop. So this will pull me away for a few days but I will be back.. Hold tight and see you in church.

All Hail Hakuchi!

There are times when I simply shut the fuck up and let the work do the talking. Hakuchi is such an artist whose works, shock and mesmerize as well hold a certain tranquil beauty. So I will let his illustrations take you into his world. Enjoy!

Reason I am going to go to hell Number-8745

You know when you see some one you know isn't very attractive and for some reason you picture yourself with them in some sort of sexual encounter? Don't know why but you do, but it's there and make you really uncomfortable. Kinda like watching midget or dwarf porn, you know you shouldn't watch it, but morbid curiosity takes over. So before you know it it, your watching, Doc, Grumpy, Bashfull and Sneezy huffing and puffing on top of a normal sized broad. But odly there is no Gay Midget porn which I think is a travesty and a real shame. Just goes to show you what pretencious cocksuckers gay guys can be, I know it's politically incorrect to say midget or dwarf porn, and the correct term would be little people persons porn or some shit like that.. And since the Jack Daniels is kicking in and I lack a manners most of the time, I am saying fuck it.. Gimme Midget Gay porn. i was once cruised by a dwarf in New York City in 1992 at The Cell Block leather bar, I remember him having a really big forhead and his dick was almost as big as his forhead. It freaked me out to see this little big dude with a mansized torso and huge head and really little legs. Only wearing doc Martens and a hard on, he came straight at me and I was not drunk enough nor had the balls to take a walk on his wild side.

Now I know what your thinking? I have the morals of a dank alley cat, but I brutally rebuffed him for a leather man of height of 6'2. I have always prefered tall men to myself. But when I saw a photo of Nick Vujicic, I pictured all kinds of nastiness that makes a Catholic preists flush with heat at alter boy chior auditions. I know he's not a midget nor a dwarf. but more an amputee. w
Which reminds me I need to renew my subscription to Ampulove. Perhaps this all because I have been watching marathon sessions of Psychoville and wondering what it would be like with a little person, but I think that is just a passing thought. But for Mr, Vujicic, bring it I would, if I had a get out of jail card givien to me by my partner. Then I would try shit you wouldn't do to a farm animal.
Mr. Vujicic is a inspirational speaker to people whom are faced with physical disabilities. Well he inspires me to whip my cock out and think of having a go in the devils playground, if you know what I mean.
Nick just struck that cord with me and I thought fuck yeah! But he is still a virgin and hat whole purity ring bullshit stuff. So as me not being a goody goody it will stay a fantasy.. and I am completely cool with that. Ok fuck yes I wear a scarlet letter for looking at a guy with a certain disbility in a way that would be unholy. But I've already sassed the lord so what's one more sin going to do... but put a smile on my face.


But still I wonder why there is no midget gay porn.. I mean you can watch a guy be nailed by a Labrodour or suck off a horse, but no midget. The straight equivilant is Bridget the Midget, and she is a really cool girl, I met her in my porn days on a set years ago. Now before you start to think I can't touch myself without thinking of the Lollipop Kids in Munchkin Land, This was just a randon fleeting question that I had of why there is no dwarf pornfor gay guys.. and could not find any.,.and believe me I looked!

American Apparel Sucks Bigger Dick Than I Do! And Here is Why.

Upon the first arrival of American Apparel I met it with welcome arms, sure in theory the whole idea sounded great, but the Rohyphinal has worn off and am starting to see this "brand " as bullshit. Not everyone can live in the world of Uber Dork Dov Charney! And besides, what kinda god awful name is Dov Charney anyways. Let's face facts the guy looks like he hangs out in bushes to get a peak at woman's camel-toes. He looks like the kinda guy who sniffs dirty under wear, and not the kind just worn with a faint waft of perfume if you know what I mean. Well American Apparel sucks big dick and i can say this because I have been sucking dick long before it became fashionable.


Dov seems to think that the clone image of 70's porn, looks good on people under the age of say 23 whom are susceptible to eating disorders or slightly malnourished. I have issue with this fucker charging me £38.00 for a plain cotton t shirt. At that price I'd like my dick sucked. With whispers of several sexual harassment cases brought up, topped with the news of the supposed firing of anyone whom he deemed beating with the "ugly stick", the world of AA looks quite bland and lack luster.
So I have cooked up some reasons why people should stop wearing American Apparel.

1.) Dov Charney was beaten with an ugly stick. Unlike Terry Richardson whom has talent and personality, enough to get people to take off there actual clothes. Dov is a far cry from the pretension his adds emit. Soft core Porn.. if he had balls he's use every and any one to sell his clothes.

2.) Bullshit myspace bands bragging they use AA t-shirts to promote their shit music. You are hereby hence fourth not allowed to use such stupid tactics to make your band sound cool, ethical or even current. How many knock off crap bands does the world need to sound like The Shit Strokes, Crap Kassabian, and every other sensitive bullshit ponytail guy rock and roll band, you pussy!

3.) The clothes for girls when put together make them look like two dollar whores on a Florida road side. The guys clothes. see number 2.

4.) American Apparel is starting to branch out like other shit stores like the CRAP (GAP). Regardless of it's anti sweat shop ethic, its spreading around faster than a photo of a hairless Brittany Spears minge photo.

5.) The adds are rather dull and a little late in the cutting edge factor.. Come on hoe about some serious tea bag action or even squeeze a tit for god's sake. Or even full penetration. Especially from a guy whom is known to date his co-workers and had a free love ethic.. It would not surprise me if his offices didin't have a in house VD clinic.

6.) Dov Charney Looks like a dude whom jacks off in bushes, I should know I can smell my own kind.

7.) Some if his newest creations are so fucking ugly. They were ugly in the 70's and 80's, and they are just as uglier now, even more so because they are made by this asshole.

9.) He's Canadian... Joining the ranks of Celine Dion, Avril what her fucking face, Bryan Adams, and Alanis Morrishit! Not COOL!

10.) I don't pose this way when wearing this shit.

So it's safe to say that Dov Charney's bank account is bigger than his dick, but it would appear as he thinks it's the other way around. And therein lies the problem. So yeah I won't be looking like a P.E. Teacher from 1976 in heat anytime soon and neither should you,