Do's and Don't Mug Shot Hot or Not.

I will admit I am addicted to mug shots! I fucking dig them. there is something about looking at someone elses failure to make you feel better when your feeling a little in the dumps. Who needs Oprah when you have things like Florida's Criminal Database to make you feel a whole lot better. It's like a hug on a computer screen. Sometimes I weill sit with my assistant and look at them and decide wether they are hot or not. Yeah it's kinda sad while we do the Snog, Marry Date Rape Or Avoid. But there are moments when i resort to acting like a 13 year old kid with a permanent boner. I have always joked with clients that id they were to tattoo the word Hot Mess someone somewhere would be all over that shit harder than Tom Crusie going down at a glory hole at a whte Party Weekend. The Do's and Don'ts of Mug shots.


Ok I will say the sneer and the neck tattoos are pretty sexy..
Dunno bout the Emo Bieber sweep. Seing that his bail was at $750 i think his only crime here is being hot.
So I say Do. and Do hard,


Now If you gonna be bad ass and look like your about to cut a bitch you should do this by all means. Take your mugshot with actual blood on your clothing. Who knew that a self employed dancer could be so dangerous.Bitch looks crazed.

Don't cut a bitch unless all other resources have failed you.


Proof that Yeti/Sasquatch is out ther in the form of a hairy Rosie O'Donnel homegirl might want to up her dosage on the estrogen.
Don't and reach for a fucking razor or wax strip.

Clowning Around

I own four clown paintings and have loved clowns since I was a kid. I loved the idea running off to the circus and making people happy, sad, or simply scaring the shit out of kids all while the stink of Scotch whiffs from my breath. Tears of a clown and it's meaning have always had an impact on me. As I would buy, read anything that related to clowns and the circus. But the effect clowns has on people also interests me still today. The fact that people always feared these mystical fragile entities fascinated me, when I always thought there was a deeper story to be told. But I love them, and just feel they are slightly misunderstood. So I will send in the clowns and drinks are on me.

My Current Mood this Morning

Cause I haven't slapped a bitch in two weeks, cause I got a whole lot a strength in a bitch slap arm. Word

I was recently going through LAX terminal and my jewellery set off the alarm to which the station guard questioned what was making her paddle wheee. So I pulled up my t-shirt to expose my 5mil nipple barbells. To which she exclaimed, " Oh hell no! Boy, are you crazy? You best roll out and get on with your painful self."

Sexually Inappropriate With Straight Males!

I like hanging out with my straight male friends. Some of my closest friends are straight men. I prefere hanging out with thtem cause they don;t give me have the shit my gay male friends do. Yet first off, I do not want to fuck them, sleep with them nor do I even remotely fancy them. Don't get me wrong they're handsome and all and got it going on, but I just don't see them in that way. However I did have a friend named Tony whom used to beg his straight friends to let him suck thier dicks. How crass, how sad, and fucking pathetic. Beg! Are you kidding me, that's one thing I would never do is beg a fucking guy to suck his dick. I would simply get them drunk and or high to wear down their resistence. Short, sweet and simple, easy but to beg. As fucking if. At least we can blames the drugs or alcohol. Anyways, Facebook has a page of stright guys acting all kinds of crazy with ofther dudes. I know some guys think about taking a wak on the wild side, but this was kind of funny that these dudes play it up which was cool with me. I give you, I'm sexually inappropriate with my friends, but I'm actually not gay. I had to kiss my straight flatmate Martin on a dare, french kiss for a whole minute with tongue in front of our friends. I'll just say his wife is a very lucky lady!

Sister Machate Will Cut A Bitch!

Times are hard, and getting your county check/dole giro is never fun. Well since we are on the subject of fighting. I saw this and had to give props for the chick in the black and orange jacket. Bitch was ready to but a fucking move and back her mister sister up when all of the sudden, it was fucking as if Sasha Fierce was channeled into the welfare office and decided to let her fierceness roar. Mary let it be known that that cunt Anna Wintour had nothing on the his September Issue, and roar he did. Now if only all welfare offices were this glamourous. Ok, am I living under a rock but how can someone on public assistance own in possession a video phone. I mean that by any means is a luxury to the county isn't it?

Fat Food Nation

The other day as I was deep in my ritual of scatching my ass and picking my nose in front of my big screen HD TV, I caught Richard Linklater's Fast Food Nation on one of those damn BBC network channels. It caught me by surprise as I actually found it interesting, yet tried in earnest to avoid all scenes that involved that pastry faced troll Avril "what's her fucking face" Lavigne. Needless to say I don't actually eat at fast food places anymore nor eaten at a McDonald's in over 13 years. When they say there is something in the water, you best believe I fucking believe it. They must put something in the food to make people flip. As I have been cooking recipe's that are raw food and diabetic in culinary skill, I know my taste buds have changed. I do not miss fast food really as it was rare to see me even sit in a Burger King, as their food always made me sick.

Recently there has been a plethora of craziness served up in a super sized shit storm. People loosing their shit for a fucking staged ham-murmer sammich. Bitches flip their wigs over this and it's always the lard ass whom just looses it. I have to ask myself, where the fuck is the FDA in all of this? I mean really. Me and my friends used to avoid a place called Church's Chicken unless we were up for buying speed, crack or some chiva (smack) for you squares. I mean we had to troll through the prostitutes and pushers in the parking lot, and if we were really hungry we would rather eat at Arby's. Now that is fucking saying something. Still it seems that there is a rash of fat asses coming down with a serious case of Hangry. Hangry is Hungry served with a large as dollop of Angry.

Case one" Stereotypical male who looses his shit and his drawers. (do you mind, I am trying to keep my food down.) Let us study his gut shall we? Drunk, something says he's probably single and staying that way, and suffers from short dick disease.



Case two: Ghetto bitch who really needs to step away from the pastry cart if you know what I mean. Orders her food and then demands a refund on a meal that is 3/4 eaten, not to mention the Vanilla shake, the seven donuts and the four Egg Mcmuffins she packed into her guff.


Case Three: Fight, Fight, a ______ AND _____, see what happns when you try and cut in line at a fast food joint. Bitch didn't go for the jugular she went for the sore bone, The Weave! Pull a woman's weave and that shit will only end in tears a maybe a large dry cleaning bill and of course the ever present bald spot.


I mean serious, if they really wanted to win the fucking fight all you would have to do is sit on them. Nuff said. Watching these crazy ass people really puts me off ever going into these joints. I mean at least the people of Wall Mart are so much more entertaining. I mean Wal Mart is just wall to wall style with fine respectable people at the pinnacle of grace and inner breeding. Of course as it would be, there is a fucking McDonald's there. See what I mean.

Hot In Quarantine!

I came across this guy's video whom made a trip to South America and found his funny ass in a TB zone. So upon his return to Sydney Australia he has been placed in Quarantine. I remember I was in hospital when I came down with Shigella dysenteriae, which sucked ass and I was stuck in a room for five days with no TV and cable and only my magazines and Iphone to keep me company. I missed my partner and my dog. But ulike this guy I had visitors to visit me and keep me company, but true to form I complained like a mother fucker. Old habits die hard. Upon seeing this video it reminded me of a guy whom was a male nurse I knew in LA. He got fired for blowing a male patient whom had a visible hard on while in Traction, when he was caught by an Orderly making the rounds. FYI, the patient came in his mouth the moment the orderly entered the room. Enchante! All that's missing from this video is the money shots of him in those hospital robes where your ass is always showing. Lucky for Christian Van Vuuren his humour is still intact and kinda hot. I know Tyer (whoops, I do have a big mouth) would be on it in an instant. Ladies and gentlemen I bring you the Fully Sick Rapper. Hit it.