Push Push In The Bush!

We had our Japan Tsunami Benefit on this past monday and we raised £810.00 simply doing tattoos from designated flash. It was a success and thanks to all those who turned up for cupcakes and goodie bags. So my charitable act is done for the month. As most of you know I used to work in porn and to some degrees it was expolitative and other productions were not. Yet one gentleman I did work for was very persuasive and could expoilt girls. One in particular, he never paid rationalizing that when her iron was hot she would have made more money 10 fold. Yet I came across a a topic of Eco porn when browing the net bored at my studio. You know what they say about Idle hands. Eco Porn is a subject that can usually get woman like Andrea Dworkin worked up and get their corduroy's all in a twist. So spare me the feminist banter and get your tits out for god sakes.
Porn is supposed to be about Sucking some strangers dick in the San Fernando Valley on a ugly couch,not for social and environmental reasons.

Fuck For Forest is a non profit entity that tries and utilize the aspect of "letting nature take it's course" to the wild of the forest. Push push in the biush. would ring true right about now. By being an activist and getting your freak on in the woods is all great but I dunno, I am all for flying your freak flag high. It kind alooks like Hippy Porn. Pass the patchouli cause I pass. You can make a video and or photographs even, pass on a rank ass pair of used underwear to help the trees. Admirable by all means it does not get me hot to think about hippy's getting buck wild in the sticks. Proceeds help plant trees and the like and several projects to preserve the rainforests and other endeavors by the activists. I do think that the idea fucking for the environment is a good way to help fellow man.

Check it out:


Another company making a difference is Natural High's Naked Continent Series where they take a porn actress to a andeginous region and let her get accquainted with the local peoples and talent. Covering areas like Papua, The Amazon, amnd Africa. The had been turned down by several charties and eventually found one that logic was a buck is a buck, and in this economy, who gives a fuck. Well eventually the Japanese porn company does. Ten ($10) of every dvd sale is donated to help areas of concern and actually give back to areas that could use the help. This plan of action has caused some moral outrage to the local biddies screaming that this is explotaion of all involved especially those whom are considred of a less civilised manner. Still I think that it's great that it has helped in a positive way.

Porn often skirts over things such as eco and social problems and is glossed over in the vain photoshop world with a girl who cares more about chipping a nail than the world concerns outside the sillicone induced porn valley. So I saY WHEN IN DOUBT WHIP THAT SHIT OUT. I think it's a great idea.

Moments That Shaped Me.

There are certain songs that shape you while growing up and then take a sharp left and have a different significance when they bring an exact memory. Once when I was a make-up artist for most porn studios, I was doing make up for Jasmine St. Claire whom was under contract with John T. Bone was in the chair while I was doing her make up and discussing our upcoming trip to The CES show The Consumer Electronics annual show and the AVN Awards that I worked virtually every year. Friends were going to stay with me in my hotel room and that also meant bar happing and making the rounds to strip clubs. My straight friends to;d me I was going to get a lap dance there at Cheetah's while in town.

I told Jasmine that I never had a lap dance before and was pretty close with most of the girls I new at Jumbo's Clown Room in Hollywood and Cheetah's and spent loads at Crazy Girls.

So Jasmine said she always wanted to give me a lap dance and I said sure, why the hell not. Being that jasmine used to work as a dancer in clubs she had the routine down. She asked me if I wanted "Tits or Ass"? I requested both and she then took a out a cassette in her purse from one of her own shows and put it in my ghetto blaster. Sit down and Def Leopard "Photograph" began
playing. Jasmine started and whipping her hair and making her sultry face and she fucking worked me hit hey full body. The guys whom were in the next room came over and watched. I preferred tits over ass. hit just felt better in my opinion. Then Shyla Foxx gave me one right after Jasmine was done.
. It was pretty cool and now when I hear that song I always think of the time I got a lap dance for free and from two actual porn stars, FOR FREE. I did spend a hell of alot of time in strip bars when I was younger, I had more fun in them than i did gay bars as the people were just friendlier and there was no prentense and the drinks were always stronger. Ahh memories.

Smoke & Mirrors vs. Human Interatction

I ocasionally visit Ryan Sullivans's Island to view his video film montages and they get me thinking. One was on the subject of sex which I really really liked, and brought up a point when watching porn you can tell that something in the milk ain't clean. And brought up the subject of "Rhetoric of Sex" which in short is a craft to use language and or verse to sway a point. This can also come to the use of body language as the body speaks far more truths than words spoken ever can. In short the body does not lie.

But in porn does it matter? To a degree I say yes, casue It is something that people enjoy watching when knowing that the scene filmed is real. When I worked for several studios, it would enrage the director when the scene fell flat or the two or 9 willing parties were simply going through the motions and just fall silent. He would bellow, "this is a fucking sound picture people" even and could tell when a moan was either forced, fake or flat. He could just tell. Those were always the longest shoots and would be a sure indicator we were in for a long ass night. Yet I liked the points that were brought up in the film and believe most of them to be true.

Penis Envy!

I read other people's blogs from time to time to really get a handle on other peoples musings. Finding this site I came across the topic of phallocentric. Steady, I am just walking you through it. I am all for equal rights, and man and woman being a co-existing parallel of humanity and want to have hope for us all. But sometimes I think certain broads take this shit WAY TO SERIOUSLY! The other day I saw a group of lesbians, which when I see a gaggle of them I call them "Lesbi". Not Lesbians, I don't think it's mean they just look a sexual and androgeonous to me. There dress sense was something of what I take as a resemnblance to a gaggle of Christmas Elves. From the land of Baking cookies or making sex toys for horny lesbi the world over up in a tree some where. See below Exhibit A.

I am not lesbia-phobic, in my next life I hope to shink to their size and have child bearing hips, were courderoy, and have an over enthusiastic appreciation for power tools. (I already do) Yet What always gets me is the Wee-Man Bullshit. So this person personified the ANGRY LESBIAN. Hey sister the guy was an asshole who made a lewd joke to your said wife. Get over it. You should be so lucky the fucking dude thinks your wife is hot! However vulgar, it is irrelevant. She bangs on about guys touching their dicks and being fascinated with them and so on. I can recall a few girls on my street who's parents were told by the school, their very own daughters were willing to play with themselves at any giving point or had a slight problem of leaving their hem lines below thigh region. People are just to goddamn PC these days. Lesbians especially Wee-Man or whatever the hell they call themselves are some of the biggest penis envy loving mother fuckers in the world. And they are Mother fuckers in a sense of linguistic terms. I like my dick I like dick so much that I have the shit tattooed on me. But I am not going up and down the street screaming I like to suck cock and come & get it, free cock here. I fucking wish! Still there is a time and a place and if you don't fucking like it take your ass back to the Diana Island where Wonder Woman is from. I'm sure when all your cycles hit you'll all be oh so pleasant to be around. She claims that men use sex as weapon. Bitch, please. If anybody and I mean anybody everused sex as a weapon it is always going to be in the hands of a woman. Why cause men are stupidly whipped to the power of pussy, dick too for that matter. Jesus these broads hate men and there penis's so much that they spend a hell of a lot of time looking like men or trying to emulate a masculine tendency. Woman use there tits or ass as weapons, I got news for your, it works both ways. Woman are just as aggressive and far more manipulative than men ever will be. I say this because men have ego and a level of humble reasoning. Where as woman tend to harbour shit so much that it will keep the duey decimal system in operation for infinity.

I have sat around and listened to girls talk about there boy friends, even some of my male friends and the candour that woman divulge is far more intrusive and way nastier than a guy could ever fucking muster. Trust me. Sure a guy would brag and make shit up, but women use anything they can to leverage their side through any means possible if it meant getting ahead. It doesn't make them evil I fell it's intictive as a part of survival. Yes it suck that woman can do the same job and get paid far less then her male counterpart, but that shit needs to be taken up with a boss not men. Woman use their tits as a battery ram, or even tools for distraction especially those slutty ones. Lesbians whom are adro-phobic tend to be the most aggressive, alpha male chasing, piss contest taking, sore losers to ever walk the earth. They can't handle that an actual Male chromosome is swimming around in their gene pool. So in a sense a dick was involved on the creation of you, like it or not. Second point before you start fucking going off on guys and their dicks, perhaps you should rethink all those Phallic Sex Toys made for women. Why arn't there any fucking sextoys shaped like clits to mash up with? Cause to me all those vibrators, they all look like dicks, so you can candy colour them any fucking way you want it's still a penis. If you truly wanted to be a bigger man/person here you would admit to your self in a nut sack (pun intended) you have penis envy. Shit I do, I wish I had a bigger dick and a million pounds. Cause baby, I would be fucking DANGEROUS!

You sound more pissed that there is some fearful factor and resentment over some trivial comment. Let it go, it really doesn't matter what a fucking guy says as long as you benefit from the love you give your wife and your secure in your placement. As far as refering to the "boys club" woman do the same shit, Primarily LESBIANS and women bars. It's not enough to have a gay bar, oh no, we need FISH BARS. Tatar Sauce anyone? You know how fucking annoying certain lesbians look with their sex, gender Sylvia Plath reading, post fem, Lillith Fair holding ticket, cuntery is? Quite frankly when you behave that way you deserve to be called a bitch, cause your hitting below the belt. A womans rage will go for endurance, stamina, and longevity, yet they're maternal and pretty good at keeping the peace with in reason. Men are just different. Doesn't make your needs any different from mine. No matter how you slice this it is fucking irrelevant men and woman are the same, straight gay, or fucking trans gendered. I don't bitch about it, cause I don't fucking care. If you continue to walk down your one way street with your envy your going to wind up at a dead end road, so wake up, grow up, and for fuck sake get some balls. Your lucky you have a wife who's willing to share a life with you, and no matter what shit goes on your safe in her book. Penis or no penis, you should take comfort in simply knowing that. Now if you'll excuse me I need to attend to my man pussy!

Doggy Chow!

It's a known fact that I think Rugby Players are hot, not just hot fucking Scorching hot. So hot I would elbow an elderly bitch to get at the front of the line. Joel Monahhan has been caught with is pants down and his dick in the peanut butter jar. This is someting that is kinda wrong on so many levels. I mean come on now. I am all for flying the freak flag sky high and getting your hoe stroll on, but with a dog. Really. I mean this is a kinda bad and I feel for the guy when getting his nut sack polished, but make sure your poor judgement if with a human being. It's obvious in the phot he's into the whole teabag dipped in peanut butter. I mean the guy is pretty rugged and hot> Jesus, if he wanted to have his balls licked he could have simply asked me. I would have been there with ESPN Pizza and beer. Fuck Twiiter. I mean anything to keep a party going.

I could never imagin doing this with my own dog or any dog for that matter. I will admit i have slept with a few fucking dogs in my days, but they were human and I too blamed alcohol. Yet would never alllow myself to be plastered on the internet let alon twitteer unless it was consenual and I wanted to really do it. And if I ever admitted to having my balls licked by a dog I would make sure that shit was taken to my death bed. BUt what really anoys me to no end is that I wanted to see Rugby cock. Where the peen I mean i feel cheated to say the least that the words of Rugby Playe, Sex Scandal and Sex act ever gave me hope of seeing some real fucking hot shit. But this left me a little flat, considering most of the sex acts with animals that are on the net.

Sullivan

I came across Ryan Sullivan, whom is a film maker whose made waves with his films with Treasure Island and his ability to tell a story about himself and his estranged brother in a haunting and striking way. It's not for everyones taste, yet what is so touching is his brutal honesty and his ability to put him and his brother out there in a medium that is often edited on a more biased effort. He steers clear of those trapings and tells the story through a series of montages and visuals backed with some excellent choices of music. I am pretty impressed, and it takes a bit to impress me.

Let me know what you think? Or better yet tell him what you think. JUst so you know, there is lots of Booty on display so you probably shouldn't be watching this at work, but then again why not.

Fashion Designers Have Lost Their Damn Minds.

Being that we are on the topic of sex. I noticed stories coming to the surface about two fashion designers whom sort of lost the plot abit. Marc Jacobs whom I think is alright is a highly coveted womans fashion designer in America, who's supposed to be the "cool" designer, but truth is I always found his clothes kinda sucked, and could be replicated in any charity shop/thift shop at a 9th of the price. So as he has transformed him self into a middle aged circuit boy, complete with tattoo's, he's one upped himself in the Hoe Stroll Stakes. His posters for Bang his new fragrance are him strewn in post coital, come get some stare. Seeing this poster I thought is this the same dork ass nerd whom used to design for Perry Ellis and was a long haired hippy, whom made boring ass clothes? Sure, he looks great, but the level of egotism has left me a little flat and unimpressed. Ever since he was hang with that street urchin, fame whore, hungry star fucking, rent. It's gone from bad to worse. So rumour is swirling that now that his gravy train has ended he needs to make rent a different way. By getting a job and foing WORK! Since being a 30 year old hoe, his hard to compete with a 20 year old hoe, when in fashion your last season or god fearing, vintage! Young rental hoe's are apparently huge this season. So the moron is said to be writing an opus and tell all book on his 6 weeks in the fast lane, warts and all on shopping and partying with the rich and famous. Snore,boo, yawn and boring, I'll pass. Dude is really trying to milk those 15 minutes. But Marc has transformed to this and since he's divorced his recent partner I think they call Lorenzo Fart-Tone.. Has a ring, don't it?



As the Butt Crowd fawn over this type of shit and eat it up. The one whom really has lost his damn mind is Calvin Klien, whom also makes boring ass clothes like Jocobs seems to suffer from Dickmatization. So my theroy is ever since Grandpa Klien is of the age of purchasing goods from the vast catalogue of downloadable porn. He might choose guys whom fit his current collection. In a word fucking BEIGE, people. Gramps Klien is sporting around a new piece 47 years his junior and looks all sorts of wrong. I am all for gold digging in the highest order, get what you can, shit! But Klien including his new piece to the Hamptons and all, while his Porn past has surfaced. So I gues the only thong that comes between Calvin Klien and his Calvin's is a 20 year old cock and balls. I am not against porn and am all for it, but I do think this dude runs the risk of suffering the same fate as Marc's same line of dudes. You have a shelf life. Right behind Marla Maples, and Donna Rice. The new Klien piece my have a certifiable hoe stroll but the rent is going on like a mother fucker, so as long as Daddy Klien pony up's. The young piece will gladly take it. I'm sure he's would be in for the long haul and take his wheel barrel to the reading of the will to stake his claim. Not only is Calvin double dosing the dickmatized button, but he is also dipping in the face fuck up department. I mean a face lift works for some and others, especially males suffer from a thing worse than Gay Face, it's Plastic Gay Face. Plastic Gay Face translates to boner buzz kill. Calvin may not only be a memebr, they bitch may also be the president.

The Ethecial Slut, My Ass, Hoe's Knows!

Last weekend I and my partner and the lil wee nib made our way to Brighton to escape the Notting Hill Carnival. While in Brighton I noticed a number of "Women Only" Boutiques or Erotique Emporiums opening all over The Lanes and Kemp Town, and I thought to my self that these are the kind of shops that produce ethical sex toys for the hippy, henna hair wearing, hemp cloth wearing, house wife or Lezbean. (yes I meant to type it that way. Sex Toys are no longer the old fleshy latex of yester year. No, like the digitl age sex has to adapt or die. I walked into a shop that shall be namesless and when I picked up on of their phallus shaped vibrators, I noticed it had a strange texture. Yet god forbid they shape it like a make dick! I asked what it was made of, and the snort comiing from the shop assistant/owner, in a tone that would rival any overweight sarcastic, bored comic book shop employee. "it's made of recylcled timber of rubber trees" Her tone was monotone and flat and almost a forced mumble scripted on auto play. So with me smiling at this pastry faced troll, I responded in kind, "you know you can act like a dick and sell dicks, but you will never physically own one!"

Shops like Organic Pleasures offer women "alternatives" to cheaply made and mass produced sex toys. Offering thngs of wood, medical grade sillicone and, glass, they offer a eco feel to the fare of sex. Yes Lubricants are made to be environmentally certified by the Soil Association. All sounds great but call me old fashioned, But recylced tree butt plugs, eco friendly lube and glass over priced dildo's with feathered plumes sold in elegant black boxes. I won't buy into the whole erotique boutique thing cause I am not a woman in need of a mink bejewelled butt plug. I am for the way forward to eco friendly sex. Shit, throw that bitch in the dirt while our add it. The Earth Angel Company make eco sex toys that you actually crank up, now I sit up and pay attention. Crank that bitch the 12. Earth Angel Sexy toys can be powerd by your computer, and fully recyclable materials.


If you want to be eco, heres a tip do it in a fucking park, there are loads and loads of sustainable materials to get your hoe stroll on with. Be creative. Pick a dank alley and let youor imagination go wild. I have a friend whom loves to have sex in skips, I don't judge but If ever I find my self eating at his house I must remember never to try his cole slaw. Her is a review on the crank butt plug, bitch says she like a hard plastic. I bet.


But I think these chicks at the end of the trailer got it right.

The Choice Is Jiz!

When I was younger and had more idle time on my hands. I would show up to pro choice rallies with an ACT UP Rounder just to rile the angry feminists and man hating lezzies with penis envy, Believe it or not it was really funny cause I would always pretend I was at the wrong protest. God I can hear the Indigo Girls playing in my head now just thinking about it. But I am actually pro choice and once paid for an abortion. Long story short when I needed a new design for my new shop, I needed a web designer. The guy was a cool dude whom I met around Shoreditch whom was a web designer and in a bit of a pickle. You see his girlfriend was pregnant and both were to broke and struggling to pay for an abortion. Being that the NHS doesn't subsidise abortions, when condoms and booty lube are freely available in most metrosexual bars and hangouts for free. So he said he would design me a new website if I gave him the exact money to pay for his girlfriends situation, and I ain't talking about abs either. So being the kind and gentle soul I am, I paid £6--. And -- pence for my website and help a couple in need.

I know some will think what I did was wrong, but I looked at it as a mutual arrangement, and they were both very happy about it So before any of you start to camp around my shop labelling me a baby killer. I didn't exactly have a gun in my hand and it wasn't like I wafted the money in their faces, and they both felt that now was not the time as they were still young and not ready to take care of a baby when the difficulty of taking care of themselves was hard enough. And anyone whom lives in London knows, this is one mother fucking expensive city to live in. So out your gross banners away and lighten the fuck up. I think all pro lifers are just repressed sluts whom are gagging for a gang-bang, thats why the feel since they missed the boat, they want to punish others by making them loose out on all the fun they never had. Some people can be such fun sponges.

Sex And Guts!

Bruce La Bruce is a funny guy and his latest opus finds a schizophrenic Francios Sagat spreading his zombie VD around the basin of Los Angeles like a Hilton on a friday night at Club HYDE. Bruce's films have featured in most cinematic events, that promote themselves with laurel leaves and pass out decent booze, all while calling them gala's. Nice work if you can get it. L. A. Zombie mixes sex and guts to those whom crave it in their films Directed by Bruce and prodiuced by Dark Alley and Wurstfilm. The film features hardcore gay actors and the acting for the most part is a bit shit. But let's be real here, you really can't keep in character when you got a dick in your mouth and a zombie probing you anally from behind now can you? A hardcore version is to be release and the film has been recently banned from screening in an Australian film festival due to not being granted a film classification. Ironically the banned version is the soft core version. I mean really if your gonna ban something, how about banning the music that that ass hole Peter Wentz, Taylor Momson, or My Chemical Romance put out. Still, putting a ban on a flaccid penis, how rude. But here is a little taste.

Sexually Inappropriate With Straight Males!

I like hanging out with my straight male friends. Some of my closest friends are straight men. I prefere hanging out with thtem cause they don;t give me have the shit my gay male friends do. Yet first off, I do not want to fuck them, sleep with them nor do I even remotely fancy them. Don't get me wrong they're handsome and all and got it going on, but I just don't see them in that way. However I did have a friend named Tony whom used to beg his straight friends to let him suck thier dicks. How crass, how sad, and fucking pathetic. Beg! Are you kidding me, that's one thing I would never do is beg a fucking guy to suck his dick. I would simply get them drunk and or high to wear down their resistence. Short, sweet and simple, easy but to beg. As fucking if. At least we can blames the drugs or alcohol. Anyways, Facebook has a page of stright guys acting all kinds of crazy with ofther dudes. I know some guys think about taking a wak on the wild side, but this was kind of funny that these dudes play it up which was cool with me. I give you, I'm sexually inappropriate with my friends, but I'm actually not gay. I had to kiss my straight flatmate Martin on a dare, french kiss for a whole minute with tongue in front of our friends. I'll just say his wife is a very lucky lady!

Sexual Napalm!

Being a rent boy, escort, whore taxi fuck is never a luxurious life, nor an easy gig. I don't care if your stank ass is flown to Bora Bora for an all expenses paid holiday, it's fucking work. As stories start to bubble over about the newly discovered cock crazy Christian craving minister George Alan Rekers (wow say that 3 times fast), and his side piece whom is peddling more than just his ass to any sundry that will ply his bank account. A ho is as a ho does. Make that money don't let it make you! What I never under stand is why is it, that it is always the fucking typical right wing second cousin to the Westboro Baptist Church that has his dick caught in a sling. And with low grade rent. I mean come on, if you're a minister at least get hot rent not some pasty mong with Shaggy's hair and gimpy grin.

Well, I can imagine where some of that $87, 000 for his participation as a witness voicing his concerns against gay adoptions. Julio Lucien Renoso Villalobos Cisneros or what ever the hell is fuck wit hooker name is on Dorkasswhorenextstore.com claims that the minister likes rub downs in the nude while on a 10 day vacation in Europe. What I don;t get about these fucking idiots is that there are European escorts in Europe whom don't really know whom that son of a bitch is. I guess Stupidasswhorenextstore .com was down for maintenance. The paid piece is also the same age as the ministers son. Ewe! If I were a minister looking for some action, I surely wouldn't hire this,


I would hire this!


I mean Jesus, Mary and Joseph you're a minister for god's sakes is there no accounting for taste? Well, apparently not. After all if I am gonna pay for sex I don't want to roll with a hippity hop space hopper, I want a ride a fucking Pontiac GTO with four on the floor if you please. After all if I am going to go for a test drive I want to know how big the stick shift is, if you know what I mean. Yet to each his own and his son rubbing ass, I am just glad that these guys get found out. I mean there is no shame in saying you like sucking on a guys dick and meaning it. I mean you could put me on cable tv, wearing a fucking tutu in day glow yellow, watering a Chia pet, sucking a big dick to the rhythm of I'm Every Woman. But You know what I would be on TV sucking a BIG DICK with a smile on my face. Well as long as it's paid per veiw, I mean let's think of the children shall we. You know while we are on the subject of Fags. I actually don't think God really hates Fags, but I am pretty sure he detests Christian Ministers comb overs and Lesbians and thier god damn alleged gifted children. So I guess it is just a matter of time before Rhona Blabbit's and the rest of the taxi door whores come out and admit to polishing the Rev's pole for the love of Jesus, caus I am sure it wasn't Satan. He would never be that cruel. I would keep my mouth fucking shut, does no one have any respect for sluts nowadays? That would be like saying you fucked Perez Hilton and are proud about it!. Personally I would rather stick my dick into a bed of snails, than do either of those fuckers. Gross!

Shoot Yourself!

I have always liked personal photos of women who've taken them themselves. A sort of embodiment and embracing thier sex appeal and identity. Gay guys don't approach phot's the same way as women do. Nope, gay guys place a fashion show of many outfits plunked on to a website in hopes of getting laid or showing off. The thing is some drip with pure egotism and vanity and look just stupid. I mean do I really need to see some dork ass on bike, in his construction builder boots, or posing behind a blank wall with a vacant stare trying to impose butchness. Bitch is so far in the closet that fucker is practically in Narnia. So I came across I Shot Myself and really liked the element of the photos, with elements of humour, sex and intimacy. The woman photograph themselves and allow you to be the voyeur.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell... The Fuck !

When I was in the military and served time in the U.S. Army, I was just a young buck and whip smart whipper snapper. Cocky as hell and really naive, as most kids that age are. I was served plenty of cock meat sandwiches served with a big bowl of dicks and balls, both of the enlisted and officer variety. Now this was a dish that was served up cold, hot, steaming, at any time of day as long as I was a willing and some time reluctant participant. Second servings were always a pleasure, but this was a dish never actually served at the local mess hall during chow time. FYI, Officers were always really shit in bed, to damn rigid. Grunts (enlisted) were just better in bed, and if I may say so HOTTER. WORD!

So looking at this video doesn't surprise me that a bunch of guys gathered to pay homage to Tranny Caca while holed up in Afghanistan. When you tend to be holed up with the same sex for long durations of time, it is proven that most men will partner up with their buddy. If memory serves me correct in my experience this normally meant about a case of beer served with the token, "I'm so drunk" comment as they lay in the bunk next to you. Shaken not stirred and a big fat boner at full mast. Do I have fond memories of my time in the Army? Absofuckinglutely! But I always preferred Marines over Army grunts, hurt so good and NASTY! Ahh memories, takes me back. I used to have a fuck buddy whom was kicked out of the military, when he stupidly decided to blow his straight roommate while passed out drunk. The guy came to when he awoke to suddenly a 6'3 Arkansas soldier chomping on his huge dick to the point of climax! My buddy swallowed. When I asked him about the incident, his only reply was in his husky southern drawl,"SWEET". Touche! When looking at this video this can go down as scientific fact that most straight white males don't have the best rythme. Come to think of it neither does that brother featured as rapping Beyonce, what the fuck?

Pussy Eating Tutorial For The Single Guy!

I have gone down a a few girls in my time and I have to say, although I played in the minors I never went pro. The chicks just never did it for me. Yet I know most women would rather have a guy go down on her than be porked like a christmas roast. IT's funny to see the great divide of men whom like to eat pussy and those whom would rather skip the trip to the sushi bar.

If you look at this guy can you imagine those date rape eyes leering at you over a perfectly trimmed or full bush. Rohyphinol eyes. But with a fucking beak the size of a pelican it's hard not to think that this dude would probably fuck you with his honking nose. I mean jesus some people get so hot for total nasal penetration.... Would I hit it? Well if it were like in a dank dark alley and like 3 am and it was last call. Desperate sex is always good for catholic guilt.

Paula Yates Incarnate.

Ok I have been drug fucked to know what that look looks like. I have even had chemical dates where we intentionally fucked high on drungs and still had that mong look on our faces. I once left a guy in my bedroom for two hours as we were both high on Peyote and my flatmates were entertained by my antics in the kitchen as I was looking for something that probably didn't exist. Yet he was keen just sitting on my bed waiting for my return, my room mates informed me of the lapsed time. SHIT! So people are making a big stink about Peaches Geldof's alleged drug fucked pics. Scientologists are besides themselves, and she denies "it" ever happened. I would to if the guy was not hot. I mean I will be the first to admit I have been with some dogs, but Jesus. We all can't be choosy drug fucked sluts. Looking at these photo's make me wanna check into the free clinic.


But I have to say any girl or guy who lets a dude take photo's of you while fucking isn't gonna say no to a little back door entry. Servant's entry to the rear, that's why they call them Butlers. Stank is as Stank does no matter if it's wrapped in Scientology. I think it's a shame that Bob Geldof doesn't fucking set that broad straight with a slap in the mouth. I have seen Peaches Geldof walking around Potobello a few times and she's actually prettier in person. That being said, the camera is not her biggest fan. I smell Paula Yates coming on. So the story goes she put out on a one night encounter and she smuggled smack through customs to be cut with lemon. Call that's what all those wacky kids in Shoreditch do now, get with the program. Don't even get me started on her tattoo's. The photo's are complete with zit spots, bandages and glassy eyes and maybe a few wet panty stains. Typing that even made me feel ill. Beware of sex tape in 5,4,3,3...

That George Michale Kills Me Everytime!

*This is not an actual shot of George Michael's Iphone Grindr app, But it is funny that that sleeping dude looks like he's fallen asleep in a Public Toilet... I know The Shame!*

I will admit that I am all for waving your freak flag high and getting your ho stroll on, but Mister Sister George Michael has a new ad-dick-tion is Iphones Grindr! My assistant and apprentice told me about the Grindr Iphone app, where you place a profile up and it will locate guys in your area ready to get down with the pow chicca chicca boom boom if you know what I mean. As most of you know how I feel about dorks with Iphones can you imagine how I feel about fucking Grindr! I mean George Michael is a grown man and can do what he wants, but damn it does no one get blown in a fucking gay bar anymore?

The tabloid stories go as follows, Georgie pordgie was down under in Oz and was hankering to drop to his knees and go Down Under. As George was unfamiliar with the local parks, bushes, public toilets to fall asleep in he figured he'd use Grinder to help his little dilemma. I mean craving cock is a full time job and he was checking his Grindr app in between his set supposedly. You got to hand it to him, Mr. Michael's is a master of spinning many plates and multi tasking. Chasing cock for gays is nothing new and party phone lines begat, the personal ad, begat the internet, begat Craigslist and Gaydar profile, begat Grinder and so on and so on. So Georgie can't be bothered by asking his minders to get him some rent or find a hot guy in a gay bar like any decent slut. I guess sitting around in a a dank toilet all day is one way of
wasting time without hopes of catching the BIG ONE. I am not a fan of his music but applaud he approach to cock, cause I swear that guy seems like he is always in perpetual heat. I mean jesus, he could probably wear out a mechanical bull. What will some techie gay slut think of next?

Smoke On This!

People are all up in arms about a little ad that has made the rounds in france to get people to stop smoking. And I will be honest when I saw the ads, thaught to myslef, self, if cigarettes were like giving head I would be doing it all the time. Shit I'd never get off my kness. But one thing I have to say about the French is that I do enjoy their saucy sense of humour and when they nail it the fucking nail it good. The ad reads, To smoke, it is to be the slave of the tobacco. But if you ever tried to buy cigarettes in Paris it's a fucking chore running around looking for a sign reading TABAC. By the time you find a joint you've already kicked the habit. Too much work. Yet, come on this add works on so many levels, have you ever found yourself blowing someone and it's comparible to doing your taxes, what's worse is when they look completely bored or simply vacant. Fuck that. Then they moan when you stop. How rude, well they don't call it a job for nothing. Still I like the ad and it made me smile, so there is my two cents.

Song Of The Moment.

I am a fan of Massive Attack, always have been. When they coupled with Los Angeles's own Hope Sandoval of Mazzy Star how can you not resist. Upon first hearing this song this was the stand out track and then I saw the promo videos that they released to promote Heligoland, I was sold. Georgina Spelvin gives her honest and sincere take on making The Devil In Miss Jones nearly some 38 years ago. The video is directed by Toby Dye, and is genius. While promoting Heligoland, Transport For London refused to place posters in tube stations for reasons that the album's sleeve artwork resembled "Street Art". Say waht, what you talking bout Willis? Unlike the useless crap they bombard us with on a daily basis from coroperate companies. Spelvin's accounts isn't sugar coated and interspersed with flashbacks of the film from the "Golden Era of Porn". I paired it with Georgina Spelvins first controversial role as a lesbian teen for juxtaposition. We've come a long way. Spare me your Andrea Dworkin theologies, and simply enjoy.

Great Phone!