Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Beware of Dork With IPHONE!

Yes you too can look sad and desperate for cock, and nothing says I am a more worldly cock chaser than doing it with your iphone. Just a whip your cock out and make a dorky face gesture and presto, your a dork with an Iphone. Battery Not Included.

When I was single...Sounds like a one of those bullshit opening lines from a novel.. Any fucking way. When I was single I had like most gay guys the Gaydar Profile. And I had the obligatory photos of me. You know the ones, a pic of me passed out drunk on the toilet that my buddy took after picking the lock of the bathroom. The photo of me of me at a far off exotic place traveling. The pic of me in Vegas drinking and gambling. A photo of me at my favorite strip bar JUMBO'S making an ass out of myself grabbing a girl or guy's tit. Then, the lengendary photos of me in Bridget's cooch licking her ass with a tampon hanging out or the one of me ass up in a flower bed with my pants around my ankles when I was a a frat party in Hilton Head South Carolina..(ah memories), but you know good clean fun. Pictures that would make me appear to be more interesting rather than the soured, pickeled hot head that stands before you. But that was ancient history and technology has advanced in many numerous ways. First there was the party line, thus begat the phone line, thus begat the internet and Ramalah begat Ishmael and so on. Now we have dudes with Iphones, the ever prominent thorn in Nokia's side. But I never had a photo on my profile of me taking a picture of myself with a fucking phone.

To me this told a few facts about a person holding his phone. One.. They don't have many friends or any friends. Two.. They have a heightened sense of their ideal self, rather than an actual account of themselves. So this would lead to all kinds of bullshit. Finally... They are in perpetual heat. Passing it around like a Hilton and the local VD clinic. I have succumbed to passing it around myself, but just thought that a pic of my dork ass posing with a phone and no one to take a picture of my burning loins of hotness was just fucking sad. And I haven't had burning loins of hotness since Clinton was in office. Jesus I am sad. When taking photos, I mean I even went as far as asking a guy to take photos and I would in turn do the same for him.. But now we have guyswithiphones posing with the very phone I possess and am always yammering on and losing.

Guys are posted holding thier phone with dicks in hand, and some with mugs that really say, "I am a a dork needing to be porked and there fore I am!" Now there are many things to take into account when posting a photo of your self on your profile in hopes of fishing dick. But the phone is not one of them. There is lighting, background scenery, wardrobe or lack there of, and positioning. You need to smile with your eyes and grab the right amount of tension and know your camera angles. Jesus, I watch to much America's Next Top Scrubber. Holding the fucking Iphone does not allow this. Nor does it make me want to give it up and swing from the guys pork sword and do the nasty drunk or sober. Sometimes I have to laugh at this, cause I know they mean well and in someway this may be the portal to a long lasting romance or relationship.. But lets be honest. Taking a photo of your bent over ass or dick in hand doesn't actually spring to mind frolicking hand in hand in a field of posies sharing your hopes and dreams now does it. But come on guys. Be a little more creative. If you want a cheap dirty fuck fucking put the pedal to the medal and go for it. I know there are a few blackmail photos of me floating around that will never see the light of day and a few bodies buried in the Nevada desert because of this.. but for me I will not be posing like this anytime soon or EVER. This is not to say that I do not think these guys are attractive especially the dude with the hawk, well his body is smoking. But little dude with the "vote for me class president", and homey who is keeping it real with the hoodrat hat and snicker... Well, I let you decide.....

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