Monday, 21 June 2010

The 7 Year Bitch!

The last few weeks I have thrown my self into the deep end of things and found that I am just spread thin. Needing to actually take a step back and take account of what to do. That being said I found myself simply in a funk that was a bitch to get over. I wasn't sure if it was pre-birthday blues, as I turn 42 in a couple of weeks. Then I hit the bottom and it sucked. I felt like sucha loser, and was an emotional blck hole around anyone whom came near me. To top it off I planned a birthday party for the shop. Great right.
I pulled my trousers up and soldiered on gave my self a pep talk to simply try and restructure everything.

Throwing a party takes smarts, tactic and percision planning. Guest list was drawn up of both clients and friends and all hands were on deck. I still have enough liquor to run a small off license on the side , hat was left from the party. My Liver is begging for mercy, put it that way. But In short is was a hit and people were happy. Mission accomplished. The party had everything from the drunk token slut, sex scandal, gossip and laughs. Fate even sent the party a scary ass clown to whip the party into a further frenzied drunken mess. Touche!

Saturday, 12 June 2010

Sullen Boy!

At the moment I feel surrounded by a pecking order that can be debilitating. Stretched thin and just exhausted when it seems to never end. There are times when I feel like a hamster on a wheel spinning and actually going no where. So it's easy to feel like you're drowning and simply want to give up. I hate these moments cause I have to simply stand outside the circle and take a deep long look and take account. The other day I had a breakdown in front of my partner, and for the first time in a long time I felt like a failure. I told him everything, it's my fault cause I should have shared with him earlier. But Bren can't fix me, I can only fix myself. He says I'm to hard on myself, and that I should look at all the good that I have created. Yet there is a weight on my shoulders and it feels like a ton of bricks, heavy and difficult to bare. I am no one's victim, as I can fix this. Just at the moment my emotional state is in a bit if flux and it tears me apart.
I do it to myself really cause I am my own worst enemy. So the saying that goes the enemy of my enemy is my friend, does not apply here. I have thought some stuff through and trying to see where to go from here, but I am not done. I have options and this is a just a low.

I need to find out what my next step is and at what cost will it be. To those whom have shown support thanks. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Moments That Shaped Me 123.

When I am was a little kid, I had a deep adoration for all things rock album art, and spent my pocket money on my most treasured belongings at the time. Then I turned 10 and my parents bought me a pinball machine, and I was obsessed with the game. When I learned about the movie Tommy by The Who, I so desperately wanted to see it. Yet I was jock blocked by the very woman I would come to know as my mother. Damn you woman! She reasoned that the movie was full of sex drug and rock n' roll and that I was to young. Those three words rang on my ears, and only spurred me on to see this midnight show. Yet I had to other dilemma's that made my plight ever more of a bitch. I didn't drive and the movie was only being shown at midnight. Video was to damn expensive and not the same as the movie experience. My cousin saw it and told me I would love it, and said it was about a boy whom played pinball. Sex, drugs, rock n' roll, and pinball, I was sold. So now two years passed and I was at the malleable age of 12.

Lucky for me parents went to bed quit early and I planned with a friend whom had a much older brother. His brother said he would take us to the midnight showing, but we had to buy our own tickets. My plan of escape the house bath room window led out to the driveway for an easy exit and quick get away. And to South Coast Plaza Cinema to see Tommy! In the parking lot I had my very first beer to myself. I was in Heaven. I loved the movie and never was a huge fan of The Who, but I loved the music. Coming back I was faced with the problem of getting back into the house. So scaling the wall of the house I mad enough noise still drunk from the beer that my mother caught me with my body hanging out the bathroom window, while my legs flailed outside. She stared at my in her curlers saying, go to bed, then closing the bathroom door behind her.

My mother grounded me for two weeks and took the stereo out of my room. Was it worth it. Fuck Yeah! To this day I still love this movie.

Let Mo's Marry!

Although I have been officially and legally partnered with my number one man near two years and with him 8. I believe that this video in all it's humour show both sides of being a couple. As I love my partner there are moments I am sure where he would like nothing more than to strangle me when I make a mess in the kitchen. It's so fucking easy to have a bad relationship, and hard to have a good one. Why? Because it takes work. If America wanted to make marriage so fucking sanctimonious they should make divorce illegal, so people like Tom Cruise, Britney Spears, Jennifer Ho-pez, and all those other dumb fucks would learn a fucking lesson. But I know this, the murder death rate would shoot the fuck right up. Like americans look at the word socialism and think it means some form of fascist regime, rather than looking at it like a Co-op, the same stands true for marriage. Ok I am going to step off my soap box now and put my Norma Rae back in the closet.