Saturday, 27 March 2010

Paula Yates Incarnate.

Ok I have been drug fucked to know what that look looks like. I have even had chemical dates where we intentionally fucked high on drungs and still had that mong look on our faces. I once left a guy in my bedroom for two hours as we were both high on Peyote and my flatmates were entertained by my antics in the kitchen as I was looking for something that probably didn't exist. Yet he was keen just sitting on my bed waiting for my return, my room mates informed me of the lapsed time. SHIT! So people are making a big stink about Peaches Geldof's alleged drug fucked pics. Scientologists are besides themselves, and she denies "it" ever happened. I would to if the guy was not hot. I mean I will be the first to admit I have been with some dogs, but Jesus. We all can't be choosy drug fucked sluts. Looking at these photo's make me wanna check into the free clinic.

But I have to say any girl or guy who lets a dude take photo's of you while fucking isn't gonna say no to a little back door entry. Servant's entry to the rear, that's why they call them Butlers. Stank is as Stank does no matter if it's wrapped in Scientology. I think it's a shame that Bob Geldof doesn't fucking set that broad straight with a slap in the mouth. I have seen Peaches Geldof walking around Potobello a few times and she's actually prettier in person. That being said, the camera is not her biggest fan. I smell Paula Yates coming on. So the story goes she put out on a one night encounter and she smuggled smack through customs to be cut with lemon. Call that's what all those wacky kids in Shoreditch do now, get with the program. Don't even get me started on her tattoo's. The photo's are complete with zit spots, bandages and glassy eyes and maybe a few wet panty stains. Typing that even made me feel ill. Beware of sex tape in 5,4,3,3...

Sister Machate Will Cut A Bitch!

Times are hard, and getting your county check/dole giro is never fun. Well since we are on the subject of fighting. I saw this and had to give props for the chick in the black and orange jacket. Bitch was ready to but a fucking move and back her mister sister up when all of the sudden, it was fucking as if Sasha Fierce was channeled into the welfare office and decided to let her fierceness roar. Mary let it be known that that cunt Anna Wintour had nothing on the his September Issue, and roar he did. Now if only all welfare offices were this glamourous. Ok, am I living under a rock but how can someone on public assistance own in possession a video phone. I mean that by any means is a luxury to the county isn't it?

Fat Food Nation

The other day as I was deep in my ritual of scatching my ass and picking my nose in front of my big screen HD TV, I caught Richard Linklater's Fast Food Nation on one of those damn BBC network channels. It caught me by surprise as I actually found it interesting, yet tried in earnest to avoid all scenes that involved that pastry faced troll Avril "what's her fucking face" Lavigne. Needless to say I don't actually eat at fast food places anymore nor eaten at a McDonald's in over 13 years. When they say there is something in the water, you best believe I fucking believe it. They must put something in the food to make people flip. As I have been cooking recipe's that are raw food and diabetic in culinary skill, I know my taste buds have changed. I do not miss fast food really as it was rare to see me even sit in a Burger King, as their food always made me sick.

Recently there has been a plethora of craziness served up in a super sized shit storm. People loosing their shit for a fucking staged ham-murmer sammich. Bitches flip their wigs over this and it's always the lard ass whom just looses it. I have to ask myself, where the fuck is the FDA in all of this? I mean really. Me and my friends used to avoid a place called Church's Chicken unless we were up for buying speed, crack or some chiva (smack) for you squares. I mean we had to troll through the prostitutes and pushers in the parking lot, and if we were really hungry we would rather eat at Arby's. Now that is fucking saying something. Still it seems that there is a rash of fat asses coming down with a serious case of Hangry. Hangry is Hungry served with a large as dollop of Angry.

Case one" Stereotypical male who looses his shit and his drawers. (do you mind, I am trying to keep my food down.) Let us study his gut shall we? Drunk, something says he's probably single and staying that way, and suffers from short dick disease.

Case two: Ghetto bitch who really needs to step away from the pastry cart if you know what I mean. Orders her food and then demands a refund on a meal that is 3/4 eaten, not to mention the Vanilla shake, the seven donuts and the four Egg Mcmuffins she packed into her guff.

Case Three: Fight, Fight, a ______ AND _____, see what happns when you try and cut in line at a fast food joint. Bitch didn't go for the jugular she went for the sore bone, The Weave! Pull a woman's weave and that shit will only end in tears a maybe a large dry cleaning bill and of course the ever present bald spot.

I mean serious, if they really wanted to win the fucking fight all you would have to do is sit on them. Nuff said. Watching these crazy ass people really puts me off ever going into these joints. I mean at least the people of Wall Mart are so much more entertaining. I mean Wal Mart is just wall to wall style with fine respectable people at the pinnacle of grace and inner breeding. Of course as it would be, there is a fucking McDonald's there. See what I mean.

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Lesbian Chic!

My current Iphone Screen Wallpaper

My Friend Pippa whom is one of the most stylish and glamourous swans that swims in the river of my life who writes a blog over at Madame Says covers an array of subjects from great music, food, shopping (my current cardio) and style. She is a fashion consultant, Dj and just a really truly cool woman. Her & her other half Nathaniel own a shop which is spitting distance from my shop Mr. Goldstein on Hackney Road which contains curious, treasures and clothing for those truly in the know. I have to give it to them they definately have an eye for things. So much so that my home and shop house some of their findings. You better regocnize! Anyways Madame Pip's always writes about Lesbian Chic which I always enjoy, especially since she recently paid homage to the chola's of Echo Parque and the Chicano loving sharpie brow women. Yes, it was time to bust out the Wet & Wild Make Up lip liner in *666 in Dark Pecan. A staple for any self respecting mad dogging chola from the razza barrio por vida! Ode Le Pues..Uhh!

What I find interesting is that this new breed of Lesbian whom undergo gender reassignment who really aren't lesbians get the machismo just right. Better than some moisturiesing loving gay man. Take for instance Balian Buschbaum whom was is a former olympic german pole vaulter born Yvonne Buschbaum. Balain recently underwent the tuck and the results are I have to say amazing. Why is it that some women get spot on than some gay men whom just have 'Gay face"? Seeing these pictures I was was like DAMN! I was all Hummina hummina, grrrr! I can appreciate great beauty but some gay men even from the back look well truly gayer than a pink suede christmas tree. Why? I have a acquaintence on flicker whom is also a post trans male named Brett, and I have to say looking at him, I would have said here's my number and a dime call me any time! Brett and Balain got it going on.

Once on a night out with some friends a woman at a hostess bar thought I was a female to male post op. Needless to say I was speechless and shocked and appauled coupled with a compliment. Was a a pretty guy who struck her as butch? My friends had a good laugh especially since we were all drunk. Some gay men get hyper masculinity all kinds of wrong. Like some 49 year old dude wearing a G Unit t-shirt. Bitch please we ain't rolling with Jay-Z at his crib cracking Don P's. Some gay guys don't come close to the style of todays trandgendered men. I mean they nail it good. But I remember when I loved in LA and Buck Angel was just a lesbian at Fuck dressing like a white cholo, she still looked like a lesbian. But I tip my hat off to them.

Friday, 19 March 2010

Puro Chusma!

My grandmother used to have this scowl that I always envied. She would mad dog Satan and I swear that son of a bitch would back down and then she would whisper the words in spanish, "este puta es puro chusma!" When I heard those words I always knew two things, one it wasn't a compliment on a woman's designer impostor perfume. Secondly that it those very words coming from my grandma would cut a bitch. Ouch! Being that I think Jesse James is hot, hot, hot. I can't really see what the appeal is of the tattooed road kill scab star fucker alleging to have been pussy plunged by the hot mechanic. What put's my off this woman is her fucking forehead tattoo that reads Pray For Us Sinner's. I'm sorry but just how fucking retarded is this whore?
Just looking at this woman gives me crabs, syphilis, and herpes and a slight case of what I call Catholic Priest Guilt whish is worse than standard run of the mill Catholic guilt.

Michelle Bombshell Strips for Jesse James
Uploaded by SoCalGlamourGirls. - See video of the biggest web video personalities.
Sorry no dude can or want to make a ho a housewife, and chicks whom are on the wrong side of thirty trying to attempt the whole Razor-blade babes, Suicide Girls, or what ever the hell they're calling them tattooted pin up broads this week. This is just a little fucking sad that some guy probably talked this dumb bitch into tattooing her forehead, great Wow, what a novel idea. My dad has a saying that I still use and my straight male friends always laugh when I tell them. "She looks like the kinda girl who would let you fuck her in the ass and wouldn't complain or say no." Hey I am all for cool sluts just not dumb ones. Sorry to say that there are loads of these broads around and pretty much a generic stereo type now. Clear Lucite heels, way way to much make up, mutated big tits and tattoos, so much for individuality, what the fuck is up with that?

I am not against heavily tattoo woman but some woman look really hard and actually their femininity gets lost as they look more like ink whores who let guys spooge all over them with their tattoo ideas. From a distances these woman look like road kill. You know when you see something on the street that's been run over and left to dry, well thats what they start to look like. You're looking at a guys work not an actual woman. So regardless of the point that Mr James may or may not have plugged the stupid broad. Just the thought of looking at her forehead while receiving a hummer is enough to loose wood over. To distracting, and just damn ugly. I mean I like certain face tattoos line the Maori moko on women looks fucking cool on the right women. Yet we ain't in the South Pacific, and we ain't Maori now are we? I think some woman get it so spot on. When I worked in Soho, there was a chick whom worked for Agent Provocateur whom wore the pink pastel uniform, flame red hair in a perfect roller set side sweep, complete with a one arm tattooed sleeve. Hot! She worked that shit everyday I saw her in uniform going to work, and she always turned heads. She was still very much a woman, who didn't look like something caught in a drain like Michelle Dipshit Hooty Mcboob. It is alleged she has some tattooes that stand for "white power", something I would never tattoo on some one, according to the W & P tattooed on her legs. According to her it stands for Wet Pussy. Mor Like Wanga Puta which translatesto loose bitch. More Like wet pussy dripping with Gonnorhea. I would never tattoo anyone that related to any kind of power. Yet I would tattoo Honky Lips on someone! I think when tattoo artists are tattooing woman we need to remind ourselves that this is a woman whom is just that, a woman. This is all kinds of dank stank or some biker momma ready to be gang banged at The Sturgis Biker Rally

I hope that things work out for poor Jesse, as I don't doubt his actual love for his wife. I sometimes think that we as people place to much a regard on fidelity and that in the real world the promise to share a life with someone is a big deal, and the mistakes & feeling are only human. Still sex doesn't mean shit, lust is fleeting, love is eternal. Good or bad it's the person whom is there and to have a more real outlook on things means you have a better chance at happily ever after. Than they promise of until he fucking breaks my heart, then Ill quit this bitch. It's fucking easy to have a shit relationship, it is hard work to have a good one. I will shut up about this now and get off my soap box. Fly low and avoid the radar.


That George Michale Kills Me Everytime!

*This is not an actual shot of George Michael's Iphone Grindr app, But it is funny that that sleeping dude looks like he's fallen asleep in a Public Toilet... I know The Shame!*

I will admit that I am all for waving your freak flag high and getting your ho stroll on, but Mister Sister George Michael has a new ad-dick-tion is Iphones Grindr! My assistant and apprentice told me about the Grindr Iphone app, where you place a profile up and it will locate guys in your area ready to get down with the pow chicca chicca boom boom if you know what I mean. As most of you know how I feel about dorks with Iphones can you imagine how I feel about fucking Grindr! I mean George Michael is a grown man and can do what he wants, but damn it does no one get blown in a fucking gay bar anymore?

The tabloid stories go as follows, Georgie pordgie was down under in Oz and was hankering to drop to his knees and go Down Under. As George was unfamiliar with the local parks, bushes, public toilets to fall asleep in he figured he'd use Grinder to help his little dilemma. I mean craving cock is a full time job and he was checking his Grindr app in between his set supposedly. You got to hand it to him, Mr. Michael's is a master of spinning many plates and multi tasking. Chasing cock for gays is nothing new and party phone lines begat, the personal ad, begat the internet, begat Craigslist and Gaydar profile, begat Grinder and so on and so on. So Georgie can't be bothered by asking his minders to get him some rent or find a hot guy in a gay bar like any decent slut. I guess sitting around in a a dank toilet all day is one way of
wasting time without hopes of catching the BIG ONE. I am not a fan of his music but applaud he approach to cock, cause I swear that guy seems like he is always in perpetual heat. I mean jesus, he could probably wear out a mechanical bull. What will some techie gay slut think of next?

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Good Press

I am featured in this months Bizzare Magazines Tattoo Special with Kat Von d on the cover in the Tatpack article. I was interviewed for the article before my trip to Dublin and features the Nissan Cube sculpture. As I recently caught a new episode of
LA INK, I can't believe the shit that they made the show out to be more like a soap opera with that braod from Rock Of Love, what gives? I wasn't impressed as it was more drama and the same old story of my cousin died boo hoo give me a large tattoo and show me crying. That is not to say that I do not like the work that is done their cause I do. yet I am always suspicious of scripted reality shows as it's scripted in some form or another. Like those stank scabs from Keeping up with the Lard ass-shian's, I still have know idea what the fuck they do other than fame whore themselves and I still think the big one looks like Chyna from WWE.
Apparently there is to be a new tattoo show from the producer of the lard ass shians featuring a tattoo shop that bills it's self as a tattoo couture studio in a fucking spa. OK, I can roll with a tattoo shop in a casino cause I am a bit of a gambling man, but a fucking day spa. WTF! Nigga Pah-lease that is way to fucking dignified and on Park Avenue, the minute I see a Vanderbilt or a Rothschild sporting a sleeve I will stick my head in a toilet and flush that fucker. That is just way to fucking dignified. I mean they could have dressed a little better and actually worn couture in the photos. I will never understand some people. I need to sit down before I get my bitch on. Anyhoo buy the magazine.

Spring Has Sprung!

This year is starting off quite bumpy, not to say that it hasn't come with it's plus's but I have to say this years started off kinda rocky. I know it's all year of the tiger and all that brouhaha, but Jeez! I went in for a routine check up and was discovered that I swim much to close to my parents gene pool than I would like to. I am now officially a diabetic. I am officially old. So before you start picturing me traipsing around London in an Iron Lung and a walking sticking screaming at people to get out of my way. (A favourite pastime of mine) You should know that I am what they call a type 2, so my Rock N' Roll Lifestyle needs to be rearranged and watch what I eat. Upon discovering this I thought to myself, am I going to have to turn into some tree hugging hippy, whom only eats food with dirt still on it? Not necessarily so.

A few months ago my mother suffered a stroke and her memory is not what it was and certain things got lost in the mix up, as she still believes that I love in Los Angeles. I was expecting something like this to happen as my friends parents were reaching ages where things started to happen to their health and their absence was due to a family visit to see their parents, which is understandable. Now I am an due to make a visit myself without my partner and the pooch. So far being a diabetic has made my taste buds actually tell shit food from great food. So I hit up Youtube to see what type of things I would need to replace instead of most of the crap I called food. No processed food, and learn moderation. Bought a juicer and throw virtually everything into it
and actually know sleep better than I have in a while. I am thinking this is the universe showing me something in a way to better understand my mothers' condition.

At present Bren is not to keen on me serving him a nut loaf raw food vegan wheatgrass sprout and kale roast. Come to think of it neither is my dog. But I am kinda glad that this is making me better aquainted with food and learning the art of cooking, which I love. However Bren says I am more Sweedish chef in the kitchen than say Heston Blumenthal. for I always leave a mess in my wake with the kitchen gadgets, which I love using. It's funny that most foods cantain stuff that actually contains ingredients that encourage diabetes to begin with, like corn syrup which is in most foods to begin with. There are things I have cut out like fried foods, All Whiskey's (That one hurts) and most sugar foods and drinks. Immediately I took to making my own plan and diet which has been pretty cool. Yet I have learned that you spend most of your life trying not to be like your parents and you end up being like them most in areas you least expected. So as I have made arrangements to for my trip to LA
I hope with some of my own knowledge I can help my mom and have an better understanding of her current situation.