Monday, 23 August 2010

And Fuck You Too!

I have that "yes I can" all american fuck you too spirit and my buddy Jimbo suggsted that this should be my theme song, Well I would definately get my hoe stroll on to this fo sho. I knonw my guy is a diamond and I am more a pizza and a bottle of jack daniels. Oooh yeah baby!.. Enjoy.

Friday, 20 August 2010

Kids Love Ichi INK!

Every so often my rhino heart melts and i do something odd. I think it's called being nice, so I've heard. Anyhoo, Ichi is a memebr of the extended Prick Family here calling all the way from Tokyo Japan. He was here two years ago and he's a great tattoo artist whom I respect and admire. He is gracing London with his presence and doing his magic here in the shop for one month and one month only! Ifv your interested in getting some work from him let us know or email him directly at Check out his work and book quickly! Bitch has already got a blurb in Time Out.

Doncaster Fashion Week!

Pyscho Cyber Animal Print Fusion In Glorious Technicolour


It's been a busy few weeks running around town, running over small little girls (not my fault), Tattoo Convention and tattooing, and them my assistant taking a walk. Touche, and life goes on, but while I was up north in the lovely crown jewel that is Doncaster, I am always floored by the grace and style of the city the the place on parade. Living in a fashion capitol myself I am apprceciative of style above all. Let's face it tattoo convention style will always give People Of Wal-Mart a run for their money. The clothes are dreadfull although there are some lovely and beautiful people walking around. It is the ones that make my eyes itch, that keep me entertained. Here is a small sample. The biggest thing going this year was the drain pipe for guys with the obligatory black t-shirt and those hideous Ed Hardy BY Christian Audigaur crap shirts. Skin was on full dsplay, enjoy.
Doncaster Dandy

Doncaster Yorkshire Realness and a true english rose.

Horton Hears A Who Where What The Fuck!

Seriously I thought she fucking rocked this look! Hawt!

Emo Boys and CamelToes- I Hate these fucking Vegan Boring ass fuckers!

My former apprentice finds these type of dudes sexually enticing and gets all hot and bothered at this site(Seriously, NO Joke) excuse me while I wretch, Spam Juce!

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

You're A BAD BOSS MAN Henry Hate

Today is funny, because when I was running around doing errands for the shop ordering jewry, making bank deposits and sundry. I came in to find exhibit A. Upon reading it I laughed. Because it reminded me of the time my house keeper left a note on my bed that read as follows. "Henry, You Scare Me. I quit!" My room mates told everyone and all had a good laugh at my expense and I did on occasion laugh too. Reason I was very anal about the way my bed was made. Ok I had some killer designer linen on my bed that I wanted to show off when I pulled and every guy whom came home with me always commented on my bed. When we had parties at our flat in Maida Vale, my bedroom was the social point and also the biggest room in the house.

I turned a blind eye to my maid stealing my favorite porn even pinching my drugs at the time. So the maid left with my porn and drugs and was left to make my bed the way I alwaus wanted to plus it saved me £45 a week i was paying them for 3 1/2 hours. So I didn't sweat it, cause it wasn't me whom was at a loss. I still had a kool bed, and now £45 pounds richer. Win win in my book. Bur finding a maid who was trust worthy was a bitch. My assistant quit today and all though I am not angry I find it funny that he would do exactly what I knew was coming. He chopped his nose off to spite his face. I assume he thought I was going to fire him due to an upcoming meeting set for wednesday. When in fact I made a contract for him to follow suit where he would have to agree to to show him physically what the problem was.

I had already addressed his lack of passion, and his glacier pace to do simple tasks that would take no time at all, also his lack of drive and self innitiative. Yet somehow, it's supposed to be my fault. Let's go over this shit with the courts shall we.

Item One: Places his Djing, "Graphic Work" (a term I use loosely) over his apprenticeship. He's paid £1000.00 a month on a earn as you learn basis. He has access to three tattoo artists and endless resource material at his disposal and a platform to where he would make a gradual shift. So add what I pay him with his supposed " Graphic" work and Djing, the guy still claims poverty and the term he used once in fron of me what was it? Oh yeah. "shit wage". Yet he would rather spend his weekend djing to a bunch of large , hairy overwieght and out of date men, for free drink and drugs and a £150 during Gay Pride weekend than learn how to tattoo.

Item Two: Lack of tattoo experience and lack of owning any actual tattoo work. "I don't want any shit tattoos, I want something that is virtually in a technical sense very difficult to do, and has made no physical attempt to evem remotely draw something up himself. He has the talent to do so. But the base of the the matter is that The guy wants to do it on his own clock and at his own term and schedule. As nice as he is, it doesn't work that way. I haave asked him for weeks to decorate his pace of two walls, and absolutely no effort or initiative to do so.

Item Three: His time spent here has equated to him still not being knowledgeable about the most basic and simple terms and practices. Up to last month I had ordered him to find out what the components of Surgical Spirit and Green Soap. It takes consistant prodding and encouragement, to make him actually do something. The only method that I found that actually works was to make a list of tasks for him to do and check them off once he completed them.

Item Four: He would claim "I needed to teach him to tattoo" when in fact I paid him daily to the tune of £1000.00 pounds to be here and help assist me in the run of my appointments, calls and treated customers. Yet when he chose to tattoo someone it was often when I was never around on days off or well into the evening where the customer would come well past closing. Yet when I gave him a actual test to see where his knowledge was, he failed miserably. I didn't fire him, I didn't yell. I just showed him where he stood in his apptitude in this job. Wouldn't ask questions of his own volitions, nor make the attempt to simply just make the first move to broaden his knowledge. No, that was my jpb apparently. On top of odering shit, Doing the books, dealing with the council. Drawing. Emails. Errands and other shit it takes to run a shop, n top of tattoo for the full day. If he wanted to learn to tattoo he needed to show me. And he had not.

The most damming Item: He has no Real passion for this job. Sure he like the idea of working in a shop and I had addressed this with him face to face. He bristled and looked at his position as a job. Sure it's work but he always had a level of defeat in his approach, that I was always going to chuck him. He was in fear of doing a shit job. Always an excuse, rather than take account for his own choices and actions. After i chose him and took him from a shit shop, where he was just turned loose with virtually no experience and or training. He had this fear that I was going to chuck him and or fire him. When In fact I drew up a contract to show him where he needed to do the actaul work to maintain his position and skill here in the shop. In short I was going to still show him what he said I was supposed to do. Now he is not here and blames me for his ineffective behavior. That's rich! Firing him would serve me no purpose, Had a thought about it. Damn straight.

Yes I said I thought about firing him many many times: Lest count shall we.

1) the time he texted ne to say he had some hot bear and some drugs at 2:30 am and aksed for the day off of work so that he could fuck some stranger.
2) The numerous times I had given him a simple task to do- like copying some private documents and miss placing them after he insisted that he copied them for my bank and never actually did. Which caused me an hour out of my own time frame to fucking do his job which he is paid for.
3) The countless times he would simply turn off his phone and not answer making any kind of contact with him possible.
4) The time after I spent virtually £1300.00 for the Doncaster tattoo convention and pulled a stunt claiming he deserved to be paid on days where we (3 of us ) were traveling and I was paying for his room and dinner. The total amount I paid out of pocket was more than that ungrateful son of a fat lard ass fucker ever got in a week. which totaled £475 on his expense which I paid for.
3) Where he came up with a bullshit excuse of his neck hurting and not coming in, when 5 days before I had a go at him for pulling Item number four. And neither appologising for the fact that the person he asked to cover had been working two weeks straight with out so much as a day off. Showing that the shop is taken for granted and that he could pull a fucking stunt like this and get a way with it. Fack that.
4) His choices and behavior had a fall out effect on other people without even realizing what the fuck he was doing. This was the most frustrating one of all. Cause he would never think about the big picture. Wanting short term gain at his own discression and convienience.
5) Expecting me to sugar coat shit to him cuase he's a "Nice" person when in fact I have repeatedly asked in differnt attempts to get him to do things. When he lacks ambition, Drive and commitment to do this job. Yet some how all of this is my fault when the person in question hasn't even said sorry for something like putting himself before his co-workers and his duties. Sure nothing wrong from doing this time to time but when you recognize a pattern. I can not and simply won't invest my time and my energy.

For what a petualent child with a inflated sense of entitlement, whose not placed him self at any level of involvement to tattooing other than showing up day to day and not placing him self out there. Niggah Fucking Pah-lease.
It's a shame cause his time and my time wasted. When I was an apprentice it was like boot camp, fucking hard and I was in real boot camp. Yet, I got through it. So Tattoo apprentichship was slightly earsier but still fucking tough cause the road my ass constantly.
You haven't earned the right to pull the shit you have especially when your technical skill is basic at best. If I take into account the crap I have heard before, not from him but other people.. It's no different.
The truth is he will never be a tattoo artist. At least a well respected one. He's to set in his ways and used to people throwing praise at him for the most amount of money for the least amount of effort. And for the record, being my assistant isn't exactly a day at the fucking beach, but you will learn your job front side ways and backwards the way I was taught. Provided you show dedication, commitment and above all ambition. And there is no spark or flame to be fanned when they expect me to draw it out of them. How can I do that when the don;t even have it in them in the first place? No he's passed tha point where he will never get sleeve, nor does he actually have the platform to persue an actuall career. So Kudos, your left with your pride, bits and bobs of tattoo equipment and a current flatmate whom your not even in love with. There are pople whom are fighters and struggle with stuff and over come the obstacles, Others need the simply just get what they can till the gravy train ends or when the time comes for them to put up or shut up. Kinda sad, and make you look like the aging self serving user you really are. I may be an asshole, fine by me hope I win the fucking blue ribbon a the country state fair. But I did not make the choice to walk out on a oppurtunity that others would pick flies out of shit for. He will never come back and lost all and every chance to come back, as he's been replaced. No different than the maid who claimed I scared them, when they were there to do a job. Bottom Line.

If you don't want to eat the meat then get the hell out of my bread line!

I am sure your happy and New Must be a nice feeling to feel so stable when you virtually have no real secure foundation or your own recources to stand on your own two feet., I hear Consuella's Chicken Shack and Tattoo's is hiring down in Peckahm Rye. I hear they have benifits of free chicken to staff left past 10pm.

So there you have ladies and gentlemen of the court. The Whole Truth, Nothing But The Truth, and a god dman fucking fact.
It's not like he hasn't heard this before cause I have said all of it to him to his face. And I was honest in considerate in that motion.

Song Of the Moment.

Around the time I was 25 which was like 8,746 years ago I met a guy whom used to make me loath myself. I dated him off and on for four years. I thought I was whipped, and in love. The relationship was tumultuous, lopsided and very intense. I was dumped my a dear john letter. Like I said it was 8,746 years ago, a fucking text message break up would have been easier than this bullet to the heart. But time passed and I forgt about the gem of this song. Sunday when I grabbed this cd from my vault that is the abyss of music I own. I remember one of my friends used to dance to this at Cheetah's Strip Club for me, when I would moan about the plumber. Funny when your so willing to give something to someone so freely, you start to feel a deep resentment for the individual when they readily take it from you without any kind of gratitude other than their own purpose. So Kent if your reading this, this one goes out to you! No bad feelings but I can say I have love now. And I will never let it go. If you get a chance to listen to Eveclear, the only cd I actually own is the first one. Sparkle and Fade. When I heard this sone it took me to place where it actually brought a smile to my face cause I could look back without anger and just remember the good stuff, which was nice.

Everclear - You Make Me Feel Like A Whore

Saturday, 14 August 2010

The Positive Side Of GRUMPY!

Grumpy the character is misunderstood. Dare I say it even loved. Yet I feel that being grumpy has its definate positive aspects. Ok, hear me out. As I have been in therapy for a while now and even have done anger management-side bar, my therapist was fired by ME! Anyhoo, people have accused me of being grumpy, and I smile and bistle up with a proud nod and say abso-fucking-lutely. Damn straight! You think I just turned this jaded and sour over night? Think again it takes years of practice to become this Grumpy. I fucking have a PHD in the shit. So Being Grumpy doesn't mean that I will not compromise nor bend, quite the contrary, i will meet any one in the middle provided it is sound judgement and fair.

Being that I have been in treatment for my brain, my shrick asked me what the positive aspects of being a grumpy hot head. I was stumped for a moment cause no one had ever asked me really what my view was at that point. So I told him. matter of factly, it's the most honest point coming directly at a person. No aggressionm nor and resentment, yet there is no point of pretence that sunflowers bloom out of my ass when the human race and modern man can be reduced to a self absorbed cocksucking maggot. Sure I would like to say I trust fellow man and drunk from the chalice of human kindness, but the baby has peed in it's own bath water, so I will pass. He smiled which told me in some indirect way that I was close. Yes I believe in good and there is evil. My receptionist Kat believes that the root of my evilness comes from the protuding eyebrow hair that sticks from my brow. She's afraid if she cuts it I might turn into a stepford husband and that woudl scare her more.

Looking around I did some research and discovered that grumpy people are far more healthier and were better to react under stresss, were more prone to be better a judgement and problem solving than those that shit sunshine. My former assistant who recently went MIA used to say I should be more kinder in my delivery in asking him to do things cause he was a nice person. Sure he was nice, but I also thought he was immature, whiney boy in a slef absobed body that belonged to a male specimen yet continued to moan like a kid, rather than just deal with it. Buy a clue. here's a hint most people whom say they're nice, most times turn out not to be so nice. I say this cause they lack balls, to be just a little more honest with them selves and others. There are a few things I would like to be honest about, that's why I am in therapy, to be more aqcuainted in my skin and accept the hot head that stand before you. My partner thinks I have all the making for a grouch, and he calms my rough seas. My dog calms my crabby demeanor and she is also a mirror of my behavior too.

So If I turn into one of those guys whom turn the sprinklers on kids for playing in front of my yard, I will welcome it. So the next time you see a grouch, they just be the most honest peson you've ever met.

Get Some BUSH!

I actually think there are few current gay illustrators whom captivate sex properly and miss the mark relying heavily on anything other than the male form and it's prowess and primal state. When I was younger I came across Harry Bush whom was always a second to my favourite Tom Of Finland, yet since my exile from TOF Foundation Harry has taken the top spot. Maybe it's my age but I will always dig his water colour work.
What I found quite profound was that the artist found it quite hard to emulate the joy and exuberance that his artwork displayed with in himself. A loner and whom was filled with self loathing, often escaped to the world where his creations lived. Due to his own internal struggles the reclusive artist would destroy many of his original images, from pressures with the outside world. Still this only makes him a greater entity to the body of work he created,and the results are pretty remarkable.

Pop On UP!

I bitch, I moan and I will always complain. Hell Yeah I said it, and god damn it I will type it again. But when I shut up, it's magic. St. Barnibus sings and a flurry of seraphim's join in a choir. This especially happens at the movies. Now I love the movie going experience, but I hate people sitting next to me and bogarting the arm rest. I know, How Rude! Especially since I was here first. So I have my modus operandi in how to get those pesky shrill people away from my seat, So if you see my mouthing the words to La Bamba coming down the aisle with my pop corn and splendour, be warned.

I am happy that summer season in London always gets me in a more novel mood to something different. Stuff like being nice, saying hello to strangers, or not run over small children with my bike. There is something that gets me feeling the summer vibe and places a smile on my rhinoceros black leather heart. So it brought a smile to my face when I found out about the Pop Up Cinema in Portobello virtually staggering distance from my house. Showing the finest in independent cinema, block busters, and cutting edge cinema will house the Notting Hill Film Festival this year. Virtually using the same space as last years One Foot In The Grove by Mutate Britain.

Entry is a pay what you can afford basis, yet is suggested that if you can pay a £4.00 for a donation, it's still better than going to a multi plx filled with fucking brats talking on there mobile phones during a film. Next week is a double bill of The Sex Pistols Documentary w/ Who The Fuck Is Pete Doherty. Being that I know Pete, I will say he's a lovely guy, simply lost. So I may give that one a miss. Upcoming Feature I would love to see is Cinema Pardiso which will be the closing film of the Summer Of Love theme running this month at the Pop up. The pop Up will be running till the end of October and is under the Westway Just across from Portobello Green. Do check it out if you can.