Sunday, 24 July 2011

For Amy.

I have a hole in my life and in my heart. Five O' clock I got the call. I didn't believe it. Not her, not what i wanted to hear on what was supposed to be a great night out. For eight years a girl I personally knew came in and out of my life with a smile and a presence that I truly enjoyed. I met Amy just after the tail end of her first album of Frank. Which I was a fan of and she walked into my studio. Ripping pages out of a book making a pile and placing them on my desk. My very first words to her were, "Bitch, I know you are not fucking up my book have you lost your mind?" She had the exact same book I owned and she wanted a tattoo right then and there and I was closing in 20 minutes. I said yes cause I loved the first album and was a fan, I then made a friend.

I didn't know a volitle woman or a messy drunk, or even a tabloid celebrity. I got to know a very shy girl whom would come into my shop randomly just tp say hi, or ask to use the phone when she had no credit on her phone. She once asked to take my dog Joleene out for a walk the secong time she visited my shop. I let a total stranger walk my dog, famous or not and oddly Joleene went with her. That was a testiment of a good person, cause Joleene doesn't like to go for walks with just ANYONE and she casueally allowed Amy in. She once brought in a toy form Joleene and played with her for a half hour. Over the years i got to know her well enough and she would call me, and I never pried into her life but I watched it change upon the success of Back To Black. I had tattooed her boyfriend Alex a chef, whom I thought was dead sexy and she was still the same sensitive chain smoking girl whom was funny and polite and often asked about my partner Bren. When I told her we were getting married she offered to sing at my ceremony. That who she was. Extremely kind and i had not a bad thing to say about Amy.

She let me hear a rough mix when I did her Hello Sailor tattoo for Back to Black. She was the only client I ever let smoke in my shop cause I loved her. To me Amy was great and smart and very fucking sharp. I told her that she was very liked in the gay scene, and she replied, "probably cause I'm such a bitch". She wasn't though not to me anyways. she often reffered me to art jobs for her lable and projects. She didn't have to but she did and I was always greatful. When she come into the shop she stayed for more than she needed to and someimes just sit and talk and visit. She would leave things in the studio and pick them up later. She was talented and has it in spades. We talked on subjects ranging from Love to low we dealt with addiction. And I still say she was a clever girl. It got hard to watch the hangers on spend her money without her consent or watch people circle her as she became AMY WINEHOUSE. To that point I waited for her to come in when she was ready. Calls would come in and voice messages on my phone and her voice would ring with a slu "Hello Dahling or Hey Big Sexy!" I made a remark about a certain individual that I thought was her friend swingng by me shop looking for her, and she said flatly and frankly that they were in no way friends.

I got the honor to have her sing in my shop to me privately as she sang a improvised melody to Biggie Smalls "Big Poppa" and i was floored. It was a provate moment and for free. She was just a lovely girl who wanted love and extremely sensetive, She joked she wanted to movie to Miami and have big boobs and fuck a mob gangster, and I said me too, she laughed. She was engaging with fellow customers and often gave autographs and posed for pictures with customers in the shop. She was not the train wreck people pegged her to be. To me she was just Amy from Edmonton north London. When the press did a hatchet job on me on the back of her, she called me the day it happened from Saint Lucia o give support again she didn't need to or have to but she was that type of girl. Yes she was an addict and we talked about my and her troubles and the pressures she was under and how it all changed and that the simple things like riding the tube were no longer an option for her. Things she loved doing were taken from her because of the monster that was success and the scrutiny she was put under made it that more difficult The press relished a mess it sold papers and ,ade fucking pathetic chavs with bullshit, boring, hum drum lives to feel better about themselves. Seeling a clip a story or even a photo.. She didn't know whom to trust and I never tried to cash in on her or sell a story about her. What she told me was in the strictest of confidence and I am honoured to have those moments and memories of her.

I never knew an unflatering person but a genuine artcle and old soul with a heart of gold. amy was fucking cool. And I am touched that this young jewish girl liked me as I was and i loved her as she was. Amy wasn't perfect but she was bang on. I am going to truly miss her and I don't care what they say about Amy Winehouse the celebrity. Amy Winehouse the person was just an amazing girl who gave when she didn't need to and she was a friend to me. I find myself crying cause the last time I spoke to her she was in good spirits and on the mend. So it's hard to process her absence and her undoing. I'll miss her gentle hugs and when she would call me Big Sexy. I always loved coming home from work and tell Bren, "Amy came into the shop today and guess what happened?" That will not happen anymore. The stories, the visits, her smile and face. I once watched in awe as she gave a girl in the shop a makeover and the girl idley let her. Amy I know your pain is now gone and the suffering is over and I am sorry for the void you created for your friends and family we were loved by many that were close and by millions far and wide. You were loved loved by me. I want to thank you for the time you gave me and the memories we shared. I will never find another person like you and you will be missed. So I keep you in my good books as you have shown me nothing but kindness and love and most of all your warmth. Thank you so much.

I Love you always You are still a star!



Intan Juliana said...

despite of bad press & haters, thank you for putting such a nice tribute to Amy. She would be smiling at you from up there and screaming "Fanks Dahlinnn"

you are one of luckiest person in earth.

Fahrenheit519 said...

Damn, Big Sexy, that was beautiful. You were right, she was loved by so many. Thank you for maintaining the integrity of your connection and for telling your truth about this girl. Much love from Cali, Fahrenheit519