Sunday, 24 January 2010

A Nail In The Coffin!

Once upon a time in in a far off land oh, past the waters of Gitcheygoomee, over the hills and through the woods say about 9342 miles east of London lived a hood rat named Chaka. Chaka was a pesky creature. You see cause he wrote his name on EVERYTHING! Now when I say everything, I mean EVERY GOD DAMMED THING! There were the tops of highway and freeway signs...Chaka, sides of industrial factory walls, Chaka. Once I went to take my trash out to my apartment dumpster, and oh yes it was there, Chaka. I swear it was like fucking herpes, you couldn't escape it, and it seemed to come up at the weirdest times and places. In short it sucked. It was ugly in an array of shapes and sized and never any really pleasing colours. There was even a Chaka driving game. If you saw that ugly tag you simply slugged your opponent in the arm and shouted "Chaka!" Now to call this fucker prolific is well, retarded to say the least. My apologies to those with mental and learning difficulties, cause this has no reference to you. But come on, it doesn't take a rocket scientist or a Rembrandt to scribble a freaking name on public, state, federal property, not to mention countless private property this shit head "tagged" his name and ruined in his wake. BIg whoop. He calls himself an Aerosolist, you'll excuse me while I pick my ass of the floor from laughing. SAY WHAT!
So legend goes that once this little whelp of minimum wage thinking was sentenced by a judge for damages of millions and millions of dollars to property, are you ready for this, he tagged his Chaka in the county court elevator What an idiot. Let's just say that he was lucky that I wasn't the judge. Cause sentencing would have gone like this. Daniel Ramos, you are here by sentenced to Moulii Muwaka Mulli,
(Let me just say it involves a proctologist, a chain saw and 12 pounds of Spam Luncheon Meat) and you are here by sentenced to place your hands on two wooden blocks where a hammer weighing over nine pounds will strike your hands to the amount of each state and county your have graffitied (each hand.) I also place you in custody of a she-male prison ward, cause those bitches should drive you nuts wanting to "make you" over for a minimum of eight years or till you work off the cost (en cured for all Judicial Court costs, State, Federal, and Private Property damaged) to remove each and every tag the full extent of the western portion of America. I am sure Mr. Ramos is kissing the church's ass to god, that I chose not to go into law.

Well, now he is having his first legitimate show. A whole Nineteen years after his sentencing, Merchant-Ivory films work at a faster pace. What the? This comes at a time when Bansky is releasing a movie. After looking at the trailer I had to ask myself what this movie was about. About Eighty-Five minutes to long that's what. I dunno, now this is age speaking and I am all for flipping the bird to the man. Yet surely there are other more legitimate ways to cause a stir than simply defacing a building that literally takes minutes to "throw up"? I mean look at Shepard Fairey, you don't see him wanted by the police and his vision is still pretty profound from the day he started and just as influential, sans the police after his ass. Well, that's if he's not trying to deceive a federal court and The Associated Press for copyright infringement. But still that's pretty impressive and in no way invalidates Fairey's voice as an artist. So what gives? So kids will go "Oh Hell to the Yeah, I need to scale buildings, (That Aren't Mine) and throw up a piece. This will be my meal ticket and fast track to fame. I mean I like some of Banksy's stuff and I know he's around my age. So when you start pulling shit like this it gets a lot harder to be taking seriously. Are your listening there Mr. Daniel Ramos. Kinda like Lindsey Lohan Movies, yes you laugh when your like 12, but come 37 you start to tell yourself this is some unfunny bullshit and find it irritating to simply follow. And kids, please you might want to fucking raise the stakes in questioning what your dream ticket is, otherwise you'll sound like those silly people on American Idol when their dream is squashed. On second thought, hmmm. Banksy's movie comes across like a Jackass parody, and I expected more and better from him especially at his age. I am no voice of reason but, I find better stuff to do in the middle of the night than run the risk of getting my ass, tazzed, shot, clobbered, or worse stabbed for a little infamy. The voice of an artist is something that will always be critiqued by those around him, especially those whom don't really make art, which to me is bullshit. I don't see the point in climbing walls to go Tagging. I have asked four" graffiti artists' at one point or another to do something in front of the shop and let me see the sketch beforehand, all failed in simply doing the drawing. Dunno? Maybe its like this, it's only fun when you're chasing the drug. It's the ritual not the actual money shot that appeals to most of these guys. Seeing some of Chaka's paintings I thought to myself 19 years and you painted this. Um, Mr. Ramos, we have Axel Rose on the phone and he wants to know if you'll join him for "The what took you so fucking long, and it's still shit benefit luncheon?" Oh and guess whom we have here? Yep! Merry Christmas.

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