> I am kind of a hoarder. Well I hoard books, films and Music, Toys. Then there is my archive of work from years past. And at present I am starting to crowd my three story east end studio. It costs a lot of fucking money to pollute a mind such as this greatness with useless and important information. So, here is the skinny and how it works. I simply go over to my vaults of culture close my eyes and pull out something I own at random. I will pick one book, one cd, and one film that I own and share my thoughts and opinions on them. As some are either hard to find or become reissues or your ass just missed the boat completely you can envy my collectables or you may have something simmilar and turn me on to it. Could be worse, I could turn into a Mexican Courtney Love and twiiter my ramblings fresh from my stupour of God's own Pharmacy.
In print I bring you Freakonomiccs..
Written by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dunbar.
Contrasting the Ku Klux Klan to Real Estate Agents (Apparently it has been reappraised), Prostitutes to Achitects, and Drug dealers whom live with their mothers, to over the counter staff at Mcdonalds. Which can break down a drug dealer to earna modest £6.50 an hour selling drugs for someone else. A very insightful read and a better way of applying theeconomic formulas to a random list of topics and their impact. Just how could a pregnant woman start a crime wave.., I took notes. Funny and insightful and a very entertaining read.
Music:
Red Aunts Ghetto Blaster
I was 27 when this little diddy fell into my lap and stereo. My Favorite songs are "Poison Steak" and"Exene" and Midnight In The Jungle. Long Beaches finest turned out a gem of 12 songs recorded in Detroit and ripped the fuck up,. Shame that LA's finest all girl garage punk band split amongst ego and pwer trips and hearsay rumours. released on Epitaph before the Label turned to shit, but still a very good album and sends me back to the nostalgia of Smell A. Was glad to say that I saw Terri and gang back in the hey day a few times. You sould also check out 40 oz. Motherfucker or Numbe 1!" Chicken Ah memories.
I promised Bren I would not cook up any more hair brained schemes or ideas for the time being, and that I need to pull back and not let my head take over and run amok. if I do let it run and take over all kinda crazy and madness takes over, much to the annoyance of those around me Anyhoo, I will be having a few pieces on exhibit in a new show curated by the ever cunning and magnificent Jason Atomic. The theme of the show will be masks. Held at Resistance Gallery in the butt crack of Bethnal Green, home to Lucha Britainnia on July 30th. The show will contain some of London's Glitterati Art crowd and celebrated drunks. Including Mr. Atomic himself, performance artist Scotee, New York Legend Lee Black Childers, and fashion mavens Charles Of London. So yeah it should be a hoot or at least I leave witha good buzz. And I am all for making time to "Make Momma Pretty!". I will be having new works on display, so get with the program and crack open the crap bollie of wine and buy something. Second todo is Skin Deep Magazines, Tattoo Jam in Doncaster where me and David will be spreading our work and promo the shop. Taking place August 7th-9th taking place at Doncaster Racecourse. Unlike the Brighton Tattoo convention which I doo every year this should be a cracker of a tattoo convention. Drop by and say hello and get some work done. Some slots available, Hurry as I book quite fast.
Me and my friend Jane Gazzo were addicted the first time we saw it. I have said scrutiny is always fun when you see someone making an ass out of themselves, without any measured sense of self respect. Let me say, I can say this because I am damaged goods, and yes, evil does sit snugly somewhere in my heart. Oh yeah, they cry kick and scream, some even throw water. This brings us to the gay gasp heard round the world is alleging that American Idol has been suspect to blatant homophobia and conspiracy theories. Why cause the supposed favorite lauded by the panel of judges did not win. Now watching this I thought to meself, Self I know you seen this shit before. And it dawned on me. SAM HARRIS! Who you ask..
Pre Idol was another screaming queen back in the day with a little ol show called Star Search. Well Anything but. It was a launch pad for Rosie O'Donnel. Any way back to my drink and you.
You have Adam Lambert a 26 year old supposed "Rocker", whom actually looks like Zac Effron after a face lift in about 24 years time. Bad skin, awful emo hair with subtle hints of blue, and his piece d resistance guy eyeliner. And the ever present Beauty Queen Smile and air of grace that they only teach beauty queens and queens in music school theater troupes. Bitch, please! Lambert is a self molded love child and result of one to many bad dinner theaters and Liza Minelli records. While addressing this guy I feel as if I need to make with the showgirl or jazz hands, to get my point truly across. If I may so blunt starting your recording career at 26 by industry standards is a little old. Hell I remember looking at adds myself for bands, and the cut off was 23 in most descriptions. I am not saying that Gal-herace is devoid of any talent. Yeah he can sing, and would make a great entertainer in some airport lounge or The Wankan Camo Dinner Theater and Cabaret Troupe Players, whatever. Still hand over heart, I don't think it was the good Ol' boy red states and their latent misguided and internal homophobia that lost Lambert his tiara and sash. For disgruntled people to accuse AT&T of fraud and supposed power texts... well face it, deal with it. The Bitch lost because his posing, preening and alleged rock and roll swagger sucked more dick than he does physically.
Here is why. 1.) When you saw Kris Allen sure the guys sounds like he should sing in a bar, like other dimwits and shit acts like Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, John Mayer and all those supposed white boy soul fucks that sing about picking cotton in fields and personal struggle. Most of them look like the only struggle they have ever contemplated was to which side of their ass to wipe first. Allen and his come fuck my puppy dog dick eyes had girls and twinkie gays a flutter. To which they would have to shove an EPT (early Pregnancy Test) up their asses to see if they were pregnant after his dog and pony signing. Lambert like I said looks this the wrong side of 26, and paunchy cheeks, bad trendy hair and flavour of the month Flares. If you had to choose which to sleep with.. Kris would win. I say this because he's got that church background and every guy I have been to bed with a solidified church going up bringing, always tend to be some of the nastiest fucks on the planet. All that pent up sin. Look at those mongs the Jonas... And if I am honest those dudes look like the are parented by both brother and sister, with a pinch of Down Syndrome to give them those wonk eyes.
2.) For all of Lambert's theatrics and numerous showgirl outfits he just sang and posed. Badly, even his snarl was painful to watch. Screaming his little gay heart out. Some of his posturing seemed a little forced and self indulgent. But what star isn't? Regrettably, Adam comes short. Don't know about you but rock stars are supposed to be bad and dangerous. A great Rock Star should be foaming at the mouth, riddled with VD, a bad attitude and a fuck you stance, that makes your mother both cringe and cream her pants, a bad attitude and a killer snarl. With a starting point of American Idol to woo rock's most hardened snobs and fans, it would not pass the gate. Allen's appeal is more mall rat, as is Lambert compared to a tried and true rock and roll gutter rat. Back in the day there was a word for this... hmm, let's see. What was it? Oh yeah, POSUER! At 26 and soon to be 27 you can't expect little girls and tweens to follow this guy. If anything he probably made some kids aware in suburban living rooms everywhere, that he was the most glamourous make signer at present. This guy was verging on the male Peacock. If he really had balls he could have one if he stuck that butt plug in his ass and made like Bette Midler after hitting the crack pipe in his glad rags and splendor. But he chose not to and played it safe... Whatever.
3.) Technically Allen is equipped to play guitar and piano. Lambert gives you what is called in theater, "Capturing A Moment", and according to America's Next Top Model.. Smiling With Your Eyes. Lambert deviated from some of his songs arrangements some how transforming some of these pop ditties into show tunes or verbal wet farts. He killed Ring Of Fire and Born To Be Wild. To Allen stripping songs bare and sticking to the tempo's and simply playing what was in front of him without taking the listener to astray from a song they were familiar with. Lambert tried to claim songs as his own, which is at best a noble attempt but also a little pompous. This was where I started to see that the emperor had holes in his underwear. Allen's "Awe Shucks, Me" vibe was far more endearing and humble to the gloating of Lambert's critiques while he stood their cooing about his misinformed judgements.
4.) To say that homophobia is the just cause as to every little glitch that goes wrong with the gay community in America is so fucking stupid. As The Advocate places Gays as the NEW BLACKS, I don't agree.. And American Gays..have hit a new level of arrogance at least the ones over at the Advocate offices do. If you act like a fucking cripple and demand to be treated with the same preferential treatment that all people with special needs get than I will fucking treat like one. A socially retarded baby who cops out and claims fowl when "they" feel unjustified or mistreated. Yet they can adopt gaybies and kiss on television and all sorts of other stuff. Allowed to celebrate Gay pride and really what someone does in the privacy between to two butt bandits is outdated and just silly. I am legally my partners partner and the law here says so. Straight people can have the word marriage. Marriage doesn't mean shit. If it's really a holy sanction then it they should make divorce illegal. But I know this, the fucking murder rate would go up BIG TIME. But because some postuering queen who over sang, over dressed and over did it, lost.. Alert the church elders we have a huge crisis on our gay hands. Now I am not black, but living in the south for a short spell I have come across both racist and sexist people. Now I now it's not polite to call people retards, in lieu of people with mental or learning difficulties. Still that is what you call really fucking stupid people whom are not stupid, when they fucking act retarded. And the history and suffering of blacks out weighs that of gays. I am no theologian. I think rather than march in little protests. Gays should pot pay taxes.. Find a way to really dent the structure. Me I took matters into my own hands and quit that bitch (America) 11 years ago. I am happy. And if the courts threaten them with jail.. They will go to gay jail. Not so bad with all that clit and cock and most gays fantasize about getting plugged in the ass in prison while showering. The two minorities whom have had it hard are the blacks and the jews. So now gay people are claiming fowl, get the fuck over it. He sucked. . Fuck Miss USA, Fuck The Advocate and perhaps FUCK You! We live in a world were everything has to be so fucking politically correct that most peoples actions are on the brink of social collapse. And genuine honest sincerity or thruthfulness for perhaps the fear of hurting someone's feelings. I say this because, with the supposed changes, everyone is claiming that they are being mistreated, misrepresented, and denied equality based on religious, sexual, political beliefs and feel damage is done. I told a guy earlier, you can not use the saying, "because I am Black!'. One it's a cop out and makes you look like a fucking moron whom can't use logic or understanding as your weapon of choice. Besides the most powerful man in the world is black, and what do you have to say about that. Some don't know what to say. Adam Lambert lost because he lost to someone whom was a little more commercially viable and technically more suitable for a record contract. So complain all you want. Lambert and his supposed fall from grace and stories of singing for Queen are all bullshit. We can all wait a few years from now when his bio comes out of how he was forced to suck dick in tranny porn because his confidence was shattered and the plum roles in dinner theater dried up, make a hell of a movie of the week.
Here at the shop I have some rather serious policies that I enforce, not to only protect our selves, but a social responsibility to the general public. But I came across a story that made me scratch my head and wonder why someone would do something like this. It a appears that a father of 26 years old Enrique Gonzales held down his 7 year old son as a 21 year old Travis Gorman proceeded to tattoo the boy with a Bulldog gang symbol. The father is being charged with a felony of aggravated mayhem and street terrorism.
We are always asked by minors whom ask about tattoos and I give them nothing, No information and no good graces. Reason they shouldn't be in my shop without a parent or guardian. Here it is illegal to tattoo a minor and is punishable by a hefty fine and loss of license and all kinds of crazy. But when parents ask if I can tattoo their child it is met with a blunt and curt NO! I explain my reasons and most agree, and have a angry spoilt child on their hands. But to tag your kid with a gang symbol against a child's will is just cruel. If both dim witted adults are convicted they could face life in prison. Seriously some asshole takes his own son and holds him down. Say it with me, counselling.
A father came in once with his 14 year old daughter and asked for her to be tattooed. Yet I said it was illegal and will not do it. They girl in her heavy cockney accent said her mate was tattooed here and she said it was fine. Now I can not control what a kid says in a playground or a school-yard, but I can control what goes in and out of my shop. The father became belligerent and proceeded with the, "look mate!" Which I hate to be called. Yet I told him anyone whom doesn't look at least 21 will be asked for identification. When most kids are asked this they buckle and their body language says it all and gives it away. Further he scoffed at the £60.00 minimum as he can have it down in Essex for 15 quid. Well it's a free country, sort of. And I barked, "You ain't nailed to nothing and free to go there!" Still I never understand why a parent would want to one stake a minors health and safety for the service of a few shekel? We don't tattoo hands or necks unless a person has 50% of their body worked on. This also burns the asses of a few people who want a neck tattoo as their first. to which we don't carry it out. As a tattooist we are not shamans or healers, yet we should carry out a creed of ethic to uphold our craft and consciousness. Tattooing a kid is not one of them. Most would be gangsters don't even want to pay for the type of work I carry out and rather want to haggle at the lowest level.
I am not that desperate for money. I stick to my tattoo guns and will never change this. I would prefer for a kid to come to me when he is old enough to get a tattoo and say, you tattooed my dad, now I want one too. To me that would be the ultimate compliment, more so than the acceptance of my fellow tattoo artists. It's hard enough for a minor to know what he/she really wants, and the novel idea of having a tattoo for the moment, when he/she is barely comfortable in their own skin, should be left to clear and measured judgement when they are fully aware of themselves as people, not kids.
Now I know what your thinking.. Here he goes on one of his tirades and yammering on about nonsensical stuff. But for reals this is something that I just had to make a post on. Now when I was a plucky snotty punk I was ambitious and had dreams to do something with my work. Being that I didn't know how or why but I just had to use my inner voice and spread my visceral VD to the masses. But I had youth and energy at my side, not to mention a huge dollop of trollop and a smidgen on downtown slut to fuse my street smarts. I came and worked for Tom Of Finland and as I a kid I was entranced by the sexuality and the well yes big dicks, but there was more. I saw something that was a personification of masculine and primal forces, yet like most I was an obnoxious brat whom suffered from low self esteem and delusions of grandeur. Besides my Ritalin, I had hope on my side. I came across some gay artists paintings and thought, although nice I wouldn't want that hanging in my living room next to my Jamie Reid or my Banksy(Snap!). But whom would?
Gay artists should say something, other than I like drawing young men in water colors and looking at asses. I like looking at men's asses, but i also like to see a chick wrap her tits around a pole and jump up and down. So as long as there is a breath in my body I swear I am going to go against the grain and i fucking swear it won't be this. Artistry can be a visual language but my voice is always changing. rather than me in my studio painting the same shit day in day out. Very few gay artists have actually inspired me, and those I keep secret. But I always thought if you were going to buy erotic arrt you gotta go full hog and be a man whore about it. Place a urinal in your bathroom, shower for eight and water proof rubber flooring through out the house. There goes that huge dollop of trollop. I am off for a hard stiff drink.
I have two very close friends whom I try and see as time allows, yet since we are so busy we hardly get the privilege to see each other as often as we like. But I was invited to come down and spend the weekend at All Tomorrow's Parties. And fuck yeah I was here with Devo and the Jesus Lizard and stoner legends Sleep it was a fun weekend. With other acts as Killing Joke and Future Of The Left playing on Sunday the line up was wide and varied curated by the fans of ATP and the Promoters themselves. So with a free bed and pass I tucked into the festivities and Jack Daniels hard! The spoken word stage was curated by Lydia Lunch, With loads to do over the weekend there was Rock and Roll Bingo and Quiz Nite and Movies chosen by The Lovely and mucho HAWT Deborah Higgins and Barry Hogan(thanks man) and the rest by the fans again. Jesus Lizard fucking ripped that shit and started it out with PUSS! And the crowd went mental, me I already am..yet I was bummed they didn't play my favorite song. The ART OF SELF DEFENSE. The previous night Devo played the main pavilion and I was a little skeptical that these guys were going to look a right mess because I am one Jaded son of a bitch. But I have to say the surprised me and still had some serious showmanship to the songs. A friend bitched a few days later that they only played for an hour at the Kentish Town forum and only played Whip It along with Q:Are We Not Men and nothing else. But I loved "Just A Girl". If I am honest the older guys showed some of these prancing kids just ow it is fucking done. I mean there were some surprises.. The Fuck Buttons get better every time I see them and they are always friendly to chat to. Sleep ripped it and was a total privilege to see them pay there one and only reunion show. Deborah was teasing me cause I thought the drummer was hot Hot HOT. Me and Alan from Photofit went back stage to see the Sleep show, and the roadies offered a beer. PartY, party. I love this festival because it's devoid of any actual corporate sponsorship and it's a pretty tight knit production. Thanks to Deborah and Barry, Adrain and Rozy.. mucho love and respect. I was suprised I could actually hold as much as I drank three days running. There goes my AA chip. Oh well.
When I moved in with my partner I was always fixated by a gallery on Portobello Road that I claimed one day I will be hung in this stable and find represention. Become a "real" working artiste! Loads of cash or lack there of, minimal supervision and the least amount of effort to bestow my visions. I would gaze at the walls and scrutinize the works before. Scrutiny is always such fun when your alone and know one is there to interject some sort of affirmation. ANYhoo! APART has been on the fringes and has always had some impressive pieces that has made me run back to my work studio and make like my drunk Aunt Edna and make with the glitter and glue gun. The summer show is hanging nicely on the walls at the junction of Westborne GroveW11 and Pembridge Villas. What's nice to see is that some of the artists there were also featured in the MUTATE BRITAIN which was an amazing show. Adrian of APART has placed some killer stuff up and I suggest you go and have a gander. The Hall is dog friendly as was MUTATE so if your walking a pooch and want something to do, by all means cruise on in. The exhibition is only hung for a short spell as APART are now a roving Gallery changing it's roster and locale constantly. Believe it or not Joleene like looking at art or maybe sniffing the paint, who can say...
Every so often I come across a showcase of people in what can only be described as something between a look and get up, sitting on the tube. So I take time to seize the moment and relish the memory. When I saw this guy it brought me back to high school and 1986 siting in the parking lot drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and feathering my hair. I loved Heavy Metal Parking lot when I saw it the first time back in 95 courtesy of the Guys at the now defunct Mondo Video Au Go Go in Vermont.. Now you too can own a copy on DVD.
It's happened to most guys and springs to mind those horrible moments in class when your third brain stood at attention for no apparent reason. So be on the lookout as now your morning glory can be posted for all and sundry to see. Ain't it Pretty? Awkward Boners is an archive of those moments when your bishop in a turtleneck gets a chance to shine and your friends can post that embarrassing picture of you.
I am not a fan of men past 25 wearing Mohican Do's.. Because I respond to things visually I tend to look at things as inanimate objects. Like Black woman look like airplanes and Oriental woman look like China or fine porcelain. But guys in hawks past the age of 27 look like circus pinheads, well to me anyways. I mean there has to be other ways to claim and stake your individuality other than wearing a lame hair cut. Me I suffer from the gay male cancer known as male pattern baldness and been shaving by guff since 22. Quick, easy and clean. Except on a lazy week I tend to look like a Gin Hag from way back, on it''s last legs after a four day drinking binge. So to say there is a alternative to the alternative is true. Wearing a Mohawk is as punk rock as an episode of Blossom or The Oprah Winfrey show. Dated and shelved. The other night my and my partner Bren were watching Quadrophenia. When I was reminded of a guy whom grew the most coveted set of Mutton Chops I have ever seen. My friend Arron grew some southern trucker ones, and envied his as well. When I was in the army I could never grow a full goatee, it always eluded me and my testosterone was a bit of a late comer. Now I can grow the shit from my ears and nose to carpet England, but somehow just cant grow the chops I really really want. As I get older I always think that guys look better with some sort of facial hair. a few months back I and a friend were having a pint when a skin head looking for a bear bar told us to shave our faces. I was quick to tell him to take off his hysterectomy pants. The options are endless and always alter a persons appearance and can define or change a face shape drastically when grooming facial hair. Me I always feel like the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz when he's groomed and Bren shaves me. I grin from ear to ear. The term sideburns stem from the American Civil War general Ambrose Burnside know for some serious facial haor and tache. I prefer the mustache, sideburns and chops to the mo and faux. Still you gotta admit that some men who wear these styles look like they can take care of themselves in one way or another. Still dudes like The Scroobious Pip get it right by rocking the whole beard thing without looking like an extra from a ZZ TOP video. Not that I have anything against the Top as they're pretty cool, but Pips pretty cool himself.
