Monday, 26 April 2010

Can Yo Ever Really Go Home?

They say that home is where the heart is, and I grew up a snot nosed dyed in the wool brat in southern California. Orange County to be exact. Moved to Hollywood in my youth and then left. Sure I have travelled a fair amount, but at 42 my mother was struck with a stroke and all was not well. So it had been 12 years in passing since I went to actually return to the family home. I wasn't raised in that house so it was a bit foreign to me. I have always had issues with my family as I left when I was old enough to get the fuck out. I returned as a man and their were a few bumps, my parents were much older and I couldn't speak to them like i did when I was younger, otherwise it would appear as if I am just bullying old people. Yet if you want to know if I love my family? Yes I do very much so. I used to wish that I could put them up for adoption, or have myself run away and join the circus. Become a vagrant, waif and stray living on the road and learning the hard knocks. Jesus, I think I read to much Bukowski and S. Thompson. Well things are different know, but I have had a few hard knocks.

Seeing my mom and dad cope was tough and allowed me to see them as just people. I wished that it was easier on them as they are trying to rectify my mothers current situation. So I did what any good son would do and try and help without the meddling and intrusion. I tried to listen and hear them out. Leaving was extremely hard as my mom's memory is not what it was. Fears were raised and having to contend with this without any briefing was tough. We are always dealt a bad hand and sometimes we just need to make due with what we have been dealt. Hearing old stories from my parents made me that much closer to them and being that I was older I could understand why they did what they did. More importantly I have their snide sense of humour which I am forever grateful for.

This trip was about reconnecting for me, with old friends and making some new ones. Talking with ex's and seeing them and just communicating and hearing what they have been up to was nice. Firends having babies, planning for babies, and me missing my baby and my partner Bren. Whom couldn't make this trip for work. LA is a different place to me know, I love to visit but would not want to live there anymore. I have loads of great and fun memories there and would never change them for the world. Home is where the heart is and my family and friends will always have a piece of my heart.

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