Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Bro's before Hoe's. The Perusit Of Bromance!
Attention people, there is some startling news. Gays are no longer a threat to straight men, and this come come as a shock but never actually were. According to some dimwits, straight males can now engage in casual homosexual practice and not be thought of as gay. By practice, I mean blow jobs, wear pink, have threesomes with men and woman, etc. etc. Now this may make you clutch your pearls and do the gay gasp. I'm thinking, what fucking planet have these people been living on? According to one Dan Savage, and some other moron who's on The Real Gilligan's Island via VIce, staright guys can do the same stuff that was normally cansidered gay. Ok, yes they are entitled to their opinion, but come on. Have these two ever heard of the Kinsey Report? The scale of human sexuality? This is not shocking news. So before some of you start to make your way to the nearest sports bar trying to cruise a straight guy or throw away your scented candles. You should be clued up on a few things.
Straight men in sports, slap each others asses, rub each other's heads yes, but it's nothing like the shit that goes on in HARD ON on a saturday night.
Now the Merosexual is made it's way out of the straight closet. If there is such a thing. Here's a list of what "Today’s Men" can do:
1) Wear pink.- Big whoop, considering Anna Wintour thinks Pink is so over. Straight men can have it. Kinda like wearing white after Labour Day.
2) Use facial products and encourage moisturising. - That's because real gay men prefer the richest, most potent moisturizer there is known to man. High and protien and pure genetic DNA, that usually involves blowing a bar full of patrons and a Bukaake style facial masque in a dark room or alley.
3) Use “man bags”, which over the years have gone from one-strap backpacks to basically purses.- A purse is a purse, regardless if that bullshit Christian Audiger motherfucker plasters a tattoo on it. Me I carry a back pack. So now you have dudes walking around with purses that rival than the one my mother carried around when I was a kid.
4) Go on “man dates” where they go to dinner and a movie with a friend; they can now sit next to that friend too!- The Hell you say? I take it this guy who said this must have not had many friends, let alone straight ones.
5) Men are allowed to cry.- Sure as long as it isn't to Bambi, a Celine Dion album, or Yentle!
6) They are allowed to actually say to each other, “I love you, man.”-As opposed to Yeah man, I love that big fat cock in my ass! Deeper fucker, that's it! Yeaeahhh!
7) In youth circles, they are allowed to kiss each other in the way I described._-One word, Europe!
8) They are allowed to do threesomes – two guys and a girl – where there is interaction between the guys. These are very common among university men. - See number Six. I have had threesomes with men and woman, although I played in the minors I actually never went pro. So lest we forget that we have been watching straight porn where two men fuck a girl for like the last, oh what 40 years. Come out from under your rock you nit wit. Stop fantasizing and just get on with it.
9) Straight men can give each other blow jobs. - Ok, straight men don't go around thinking they'ld like to tap that, and In my expierience of blowing a straight guys, a six pack of beer was involved. Followed by a freak out and relocation of zip or postal code.
True the times are a changing but as most gay men try and achieve hyper masculinity or the ideal form of butchnes., Most straight men whom are comfortable in their own skin and sexuality don't see the need to validate whom they simply cause tey tried something a few times. This also goes for women. A friend once told me she experimented with girls but she missed the "Ummmm!" in the playing around. I leaning in and said, me too. Emo boys have the trend of kissing each other and I thnk they just look like two pussy's licking each others minge, not sexy!. I have straight make friends whom I can hang out with but I don't feel the needt to pat their asses, cup their balss or even try and sleep with them. As I have my partner, he is my number one, and sometimes make him kiss me more than he wants to. But I am retarded for tge guy. But my stright friends although very handsome, I just don't see them that way nor think of themlike that, nor want too. Fantasy to most gay porn fodder, but reality is always a far cry from the fantasy. Have I had sex a with a few straight men, yes. Did I enjoy it? It was ok. It's not in my top ten, and have even kissed a few straight friends both men and woman, yes with tongue, but again nothing. I made a joke about going down a a few girls to my straight male friends, that it was kinda like rimming a guy. They laughed and thought it was gross. Kinda like chicken but smells pretty, which is a trun off to me.
So like the song goes, don't go chasing water falls, stick to the dicks and balls you used to.