I haven't written to you in a long, long, long, long time. Well, I have been busy as I am sure you have too. That's cool but, I thought that I would write to you and see how things were with you and maybe then ask for something. I hope you and Mrs. Clause are good and your rocking the casbah like you know you should from time to time. Watch those processed foods, it will be the death of you. Yes, I know that you receive a barrage of letters for people asking you for stuff. I have tried to be good and yes there are those days when I am just plain naughty and pretty damn good at it too. But I am not asking for anything material or even remotely expensive. You see cause I forget about you and the world we live in my daily pursuits. So please forgive me. I am still not sure you exist, like the Easter Bunny, Latoya Jackson's face or even Lindsay Lohan's sobriety. So I thought I would give this a try and see if it sticks.
I don't want anything that I haven't got already or can get myself. But there seems to be a shift in the world and hope that it can be a good one. I know you can't end wars, or stop world famine or bullshit music shows that create people like Madame Lambert. But I hope you can do this for me, or help assist me a little more. So I am going to sound like a dimwit and here it goes:
My Name is Henry Hate, yes that's my name don't wear it out. I am writing to you to see if you can help me. I would like to ask for a few things. I don't want a shiny new bike, cause I have one. So you can tell your elves to rest on that one. I would like on of my partners Christmas wishes to come true. See he is a lovely man and much better at being good than me. I love him very much and hope that you kept his letters when he was a kid. He works hard and does an awful lot and because he has given me all I wanted, I hope that you can help this come true. Just one thing on his list from when he was a kid. Maybe, just for a day like peace in the world. You get the juist don't you?
Me: I am good. Well I would like my TMJ and earache to go away and a goodnight's sleep for a year. To wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed would be a nice change. I would like the ability to listen more to my partner, cause my ADD sucks. I multi task like a motherfucker, and sometimes he gets brushed off in a way he doesn't deserve and I feel bad about that sometimes. But that is going to take some control and action on my part, and I am working on it. I know you wont save the planet cause it's not the planets fault for the way it is at the moment. Maybe London will be come a tropical Isle which would be cool and I could roll with that, but that's anyones guess. Mostly I just want some time off with my partner and a good day and hopefully my dog will pass out like she does every year from eating to much christmas scraps. That would make Joleene very happy. She is a good dog, and I love her just as much as I love Bren. So the things I am asking for don't really cost any money or major time on your part. But the wish for Bren would mean the world to me, cause I know it would make him happy. Yes I know I was all me, me,me ,me in my last letter to you. But I am no longer that snotty little brat of years gone by. I have a man from Ireland and a dog from a a rescue home that rescued me. So that's really all I want is something that is going to make them happy. Well I have to go now, but I hape you rest well and don't go crazy on the egg nog. I once made an ass out of my self after molesting the punch bowl at a friends Christmas Company do and the egg nog was to blame. But you seem like the kinda guy whom could hold his own liquor. Anyways. Thanks for listening and mucho props. Can I say one more thing, this Naughty or Nice Stuff is so over rated, give those kids an break they have to be good at something. But maybe you already know that. Take care
Oh and Before I forget Merry Christmas.