Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Bear, Damn It, it's a dirty word at least to me!

Exhibit A: these guys look more like two men whom are more happy at a beer bust at XXL or The Eagle, The Cuckoo's Nest where ever, than they would at say New York Fashion Week in Bryant Park. Looking at these two you would never guess that they love Crepe De Chine just as they love them ugly ass flannel shirts bears like to wear as uniform. Some one called me a bear once and I flipped my shit. I am not a bear nor do I growl or rub hairy men in cottages, both public or residential. To me Bear Is a dirty word. Kind like saying your a power bottom just cause your just fucking lazy. The bear craze has become the clone for the new millennium, and it's kinda depressing. You have bears, muscle bears, cubs, silver foxes, otters, chubs and chasers. Since when did a gay bar turn into a fucking zoo? It seems if you place your flannel on with a hoodie and some buck skin Timberland boots, viola, you're a bear. Don't get me wrong a dog will always choose a bone with some fat and meat on it over a plain old bone. But bear craze is a little out of hand.

I remember when every guy wanted to look like a leather man or 70's clone, a look that I think always looks good. Clean, rough, masculine and a bit working class. The Bear looks like he hibernates in a cabin in Ottawa Canada, and we all know how I feel about Canada. NIggah Pah-lease! You ain't ever seen a cabin and from the size of that waist, looks like your ass never hiked much either. More like ate a cabin. If you want to look like the active outdoors type, try taking your ass out doors. I am not fat-o-phobic, but this bear fetish sometimes borders on just plain silly. I was on a bear retreat once with a former friend. Let me explain. My friend at the time was up for The Final Mr Bear Uk and offered and asked me to come along for moral support. Well I did. Out of the 300+ there I was only attracted to a guy from Ireland whom had a boyfriend. His Husbear cock blocked me every time his partner approached me. So short of pulling a Tonya Harding and taking a fucking crow bar to the dudes knees, the Guy from Ireland found me alone and we made a hasty exit for a few hours alone in a graveyard, in front of a church in the hills of Derby at around midnight. So for this I will probably burn in hell, oh well. My friend was furious with me cause I left and missed the contest and the his husbear made a scene upon our return for huge entertainment to those whom witnessed his shit storm. I was single and homie knocked on my door, what should I say no for. I liked him and he liked me. It wasn't like we went to pick out china patterns.

This happened on the 2nd day of the event, after watching countless men lie around rubbing each others bellies and growl. Not fun, and definitely not hot. I did it cause I was bored and the guy was hot. As lame as the excuse was, that was my part. He wasn't really a bear but he had natural dark red hair, and green eyes, a killer sleeve and at 6'4 he marked all my boxes physically. We caught each others attention at the event mixer, but for some reason I was not allowed to go near the guy and vice versa. Every other dude was fair game to him but me. So I don't go to "bear" dances, our even want to wear their uniform. I would never want to join a club that would have me for a partner. My partner isn't even a bear. He is Irish though. But these dudes whom were once thought to be out casts by the beauty obsessed gay community have become some what their own worst enemy. Bear flags, bear clothes, bear books, bear nights, coffee mugs and iconography to associate them with, oh yes the bear. Jesus, it sounds like Scientology. At first you think, yeah there cool then they drop the word "Scientologist Bear", and your all I out. I just don't understand why some men need to label something like maculinity with the word bear, as if it makes it much more masculine? Straight guys don't say I am mechanically straight or surfer straight. If you hve an answer I would like to hear it.

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