You would think that at the ever approaching age of 42 I would be made of teflon and let things slide, but somethings can slip off me easy enough. On the other hand not so much. I had a phone call with a friend whom is battling an addiction, and has been left without any kind of support or friendship. Although I have known him both sober and drunk, it hasn't veered my opinion of him. Because I know him in a true sense I know he is battling something much deeper than that Vodka monkey on his back. It's really hard when dealing with this, as I can offer my support and friendship but I do proceed with caution. He hasn't reached his floor yet, and I'm not talking about falling down after one to many. Scott has to find that out for himself what ever that is.
I care for the guy a great deal and hope he finds it without to many broken bones. But, you know the saying. Can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs. So both of us are on the outs, and exiled. I chose to exile myself voluntarily from a person I just felt kinda manipulated the group of guys. I crossed a line with another friend which just absolutely changed my opinion of him. I mean I tried to let it roll and stay out of it. Yet the victim told me in confidence that it had happened more than once when they were both high and saying that I didn't want it to go any further. Sitting there with my friend over drinks I was shocked. And I am rarely shocked especially with my antic. But I had to think to my self and say, what kinda fucked up Desperate Housewives Wisteria Lane bullshit is this. I was angry cause they acted above themselves and got away with it.
Oddly I think my friend, the victim is suffering from fucking Stockholm Syndrome. I don't get it.
So the group is no more, the party over and I am a few friends less, I thought I wasn't angry but I actually am. They discarded another friend simply because he is battling a demon that at the root if it is something that only he can fix himself. He's still a person, who cares if he's an alcoholic, doesn't mean he's not worthy of friendship and support. Scott will find Scott when he is ready. As for the other two, I dunno It's a shame that time has passed and is now irreversable, done and dusted. It's a little sad that when your opinion of someone shifts that for some reason I just couldn't get passed it. I never said anything about it, and they knew I had known. We all make mistakes sure, but more than anything I think there are things you just do not do to friends. Seeing Scotty a broken man is hard to take but I will lend him my ear if he needs it. After all he is still the dippy goon from Glasgow I have come to know and love. Of all the friends I miss at the moment, I miss Cha cha. Yet I just don't see things getting back on track for the group of guys.
So I keep myself busy with work and getting my career in forward motion. Make knew friends and do other things than to hang out in a club. Although, I could use with a refresher course on people skills cause mine Suuuuck! Things are ok for me but I know a planetary shift is coming and we will all have to see what happens. Fuck I sound like a hippie.
If Scott ever does decide to read this, I just want him to know this. I love you Scott and all though I never say it I have shown it, and glad your here on this planet, even if you are bruised and battered. Keep your head up and get well.
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