Monday, 3 May 2010

Prom Date Fashion Rape!

It's that time of year where kids across America start to think of that one moment where they plan and manoeuvre in military action to have that all important prom date. Well, most kids if you exclude that dikey lesbian in Mississippi Constance McMillen. Dresses are picked, condoms bought, and sexual composure goes out the fucking door on prom night. I mean Constance should at least be felt up by a butch fem on the big night to cushion the blow of missing her beloved prom. They right of passage for any horny teen looking to beget the sun and air, if you know what I mean.

In certain corners of America there are future baby daddies and potential hoe cakes on the prowl for their prom night. This is where the fun really begins. You see folks this is no ordinary prom where the token bitch cunt from high school in pristine blond hair wins Prom Queen. No, this is down home fun Prom, fo sho! Fashion rape and material STD's are the de' rigour of the night here at these proms. Where the homespun Singer sewing machine is busted out and those hooch momma's in home economics make their dresses for the big event. The rules are simple, concise and easy. Break them and you can never show your face in good society ever ever again.

1.) Make that dress look as cheap a fucking possible. Why bother with fabric stores when the currents in some crack haven will do just as good.
2.) Show as much skin as possible. So what if you have a scabs, bullet holes or stab wounds, when your young big ballin, and buck shot callin, who cares. Just slather some glitter of them wounds and Viola! Instant hooch!
3.) When creating that perfect ensemble, accessorise. Buckles, Straps, Bedazzle that shit like the rent is due three months late. Then Compliment it with a clashing fabric and or garish colours.
4.) Feeling bloated, fat or just a little bit nine months pregnant? Not to worry simply embrace your inner short fat slut and let her shine! Let it all hang out!
5.) Who needs Bling when that was so last year. Flash them tattoos, Stretch marks and scars. Show them ghetto ho's that it's all about REALNESS!
6.) The best way to get your prom date in a matching outfit! Deny that mother fucker pussy! Bitch will dress like a trumped up gay christmas tree if he knows he's gonna knock them boots from here to tuesday!
7.) Finally! The piece de resistance, the hair, yes folks you're crowning glory. You don't need that tacky ass fucking rhinestone crown. Work that hair in Jerry Curls, corn rows, weaves and some mother fucking glitter. Hair piece that shit like India is going bald tomorrow. Guys, super fly that fucking barnet. Pimp curl says here me now a,d try not to stand next to any open flames.

No comments: