I came across a clip on a documentary called "The Butch Factor" and sparked interest in me to investigate a little further. This included me to toss a reflective gaze in to the pool of my own insight on how I felt about this subject. Well one I wouldn't call myself butch, but I don't sit and wondering if I am measured by gay standards on the levels of my "Butchness". My first role model and still one is my very own father. He was a wild reckless youth and I grew up looking to him for guidance and answers in my life. Still he was the first person I looked at on my formative years.
But this documentary clip does come across as a silly pretentious piece in where men aspire to have some sort of masculinity to confirm some sort of social validation. Bitch Please! The straight dudes I know don't go around questioning their butchness or masculinity. Most have a sense of humour that straights find themselves secure with themselves, so it isn't an issue. But why does the gay community have this need heightened to find this hyper trophy?
The problem I have with the clip is that the guys they show are the basic Bruce and Barry butch queers that look like your typical butch queen. No suprise. But it crossed my mind that the gay couple on the Sarah Silverman show appeared more normal than these guys seeking a level of conformity to fit in or become that much more desirable. Does it matter? No not really, but I don't give a shit about what others think of me and I certainly don't have anything to prove to anyone other than myself.
Apparently this film is popular with Bears... Searching for there macho factors or "growing up tough rough and rugged" Sounds like this fuckers parents were John Deer or Mack Truck! As fucking if. The film tells stories of men whom feel ostracized for loving sports and forsaking show tunes and often feeling the lone homo in a sea of butt pirates. Because this film is showcased to a bunch of bears further leaves me disinterested, I once went to a bear weekend at the insistence of a now former friend. A bunch of guys whom where lying around rubbing each other in the woods. I drank heavily that weekend. The only guy I was interested in had a jealous boyfriend who jock cock blocked me every time the dude came near. So I pulled a Tonya Harding and knee capped the bitch and put him in a broom closet while I took his boyfriend for a test ride out in the local cemetery. Ok yeah i am going to hell for that one, but hey I had fun.
The film looks like this dude just stayed in his own gay ghetto and didn't really throw his fishing net past a few gay bloggers and gay jocks and what not... I know gay guys who I even forget that are gay, but still it's not issue. This clip just comes off gay gayer and gayest. To me the importance of masculinity in gay culture is irrelevant, because most guys who think it's importance come across as silly and self indulgent cock suckers. Mary, if your on your knees with two hairy balls dangling from your chin and a dick tickling the back of your throat. Chances are most straight men would not find this a normal everyday occurrence for themselves unlike the gay guy whom does. To me what it means to be a man is to be myself and fuck what you think. To having a balance of humility, honesty and sense or humour, cause with those three will enable you to find and have strength. Finding myself on a baseball diamond or patch isn't going to make me any butcher. Same way a straight dude likes do what he does, simply cause he enjoys the activity. The best advice I was ever given was given to me by the biggest queen in history. I met him at a gallery show that I had to attend as he was giving a reading the same night. He approached me as it was very visible that I was upset and obviously been fighting back tears in a
crowded room. Rather than grabbing me and proclaiming to "Cry it out Girl", he simply said, "Be yourself on purpose! You won't be right you won't be wrong, you'll be correct!" That man was Quentin Crisp. Works for me..
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