Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Lessons In Sex Tape Making 101!

It had all the making to be great, good, even down right nasty. This what I don't understand about the stratusphere they call celebrities now adays. Back in my day it would have gone down this way. Picture it, Hollywood 1900's. Sex was easy to get long before internet. Drugs were better and lasted longer, rent control was in effect and people were alot less suspicious and privacy allowed most to get there Ho stroll on with a worry or care. So you have one slightly handsome bohunk (allegedly), that broad from Scream and Noxema comercials, with a pinch of one perky shamed former Miss Teen title holder. I love that title more than current Riegning Miss Teen USA, sounds kinda like Failed Child Actor becomes Big Time Drug Addict Ho Bag. Well I knows it cause I grows it. anyways. People are shocked at a video showing people covorting about in a hot tub smoking either a crack, weed insert current new street drug here. Anyhoo, so what was once the "Sex Tape" trend has been debunked by the "Naked Tape" contender.

I call it the "This is nothing more than upwardly mobile white people having fun and doing a really shitty job of it, tape." Ok, I would look at footage of a woman blowing an Ardvark, and have. But this, come on! Where's he burned crack pipe lip kiss? Where is the lesbo lithe finger bang? No facial cum shots and snow ball, cream puff jizz swapping. Where's the "swallow my pipe you child killing, crack pipe smoking, lesbian loving slut" banter? Annabelle Chong getting banged by 251 (62 guys and one fired security guard), now that was a sex tape. Somewhere in the state of Texas there is a tape with my name on it. I am not ashamed, there I said it. I mean there were no animals involved nor children, satanic cults or even a circus act harmed in the making of my sex tape. Probably not so much as a sex tape really, more of a guy filming me and some other unfortunate soul caught doing it in a dark dank alley. I blame my alley cat slut gene, but most gay guys have that componant built into their make. This happened when I thougt it would be fun to take the train cross country and visit a friend whom was attending Texas A&M. But when I new the camera was on I gave a fucking performance of a lie time to make any zoologist proud.

So if your going to make a sex tape god damn it have sex.. These time they are a changing.. and with my alley cat ethics , I mean give ud some show. Peen and titties do not make a sex tape. Throw in a crack pipe and you got the makings of a potential sex tape, I would be all, "Give Me Something Ta Suck!'. As patience dwindles and audiences are asking for more things in this current climate of change and uncertainty, a hunger for more is bound to take precedence. For instance, third base isn't considered being felt up or touching a persons genitals, it's a blow job. In my case, second base. I have done some low end porn and s&m movies but the funny thing is I enjoyed doing them at the time and saw nothing wrong with it. So with a former title holder of some Miss Teen Wets Pants and the married couple I found all just anti climactic. I mean these people are paid to entertain us and even when the have sex there is no penetration, no cracked out stupor or even a big bag of weed. In Hollywood failure is just spitting distance from anyone and that makes it so much more entertaining when normal people watch famous people unravel. But to see somewhat famous people fucking, that's when the real entertainment and shame kick in. I mean jesus even Gene Simmons' sex tap had a a girl wearing a corset and flip flops while having sex. But that one still baffles me for style sense and purposes.

So there you have it a TV actor of a show I never watch or even really heard of, and Rebecca whom was good in Scream 564, and apparently pretty good at running over small children. Along with this, she has a panache for posing somewhat stupidly with a crack pipe more than just the once. And some dumb bitch whom got dethroned for posing for Playboy. And your by now aware of my it ain't a party till something broken, well ain't shit going on here but the motherfucking rent. I imagine if George Michale was watching this on his iphone, and fell asleep behind the wheel before butt fucking that other vehicle. Come on people get with the program... Sex tape means actual penetration, clitty litter smeared on your face all while looking like Nellie O'Hara bathed in Vodka. i will never understand these people of today.

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