Monday, 27 July 2009

Why Cesar Millan Needs Get His Ass Bitten... By A Dog!

I have watch a lot of TV, sometimes too much. And having a dog I tend to watch the standard Discovery programs and whatever else strikes my fancy and interest. But this Dog Whisperer... Here's why I think Cesar Millan needs to get bitten by a dog, preferably in the ass. My problem with this show is that he is always so chipper, up beat and relaxed and never see this dude loose his cool, especially when faced with some of the brain dead people, whom wonder why the hell their dogs act the way they do in the first place. I have made a list of why I feel Cesar Millan should be bitten by a dog right in the BUTTOCKS!

1.) I have never seen him whisper to a dog let alone talk to a dog. But his supposed clients on the show looked more dazed when informed that their beloved pet is not human, but... A DOG! Somebody alert the church elders.
2.) Homie's accent bugs the shit out of me. It reminds me or Ricardo Maltaban's from those bullshit 70's car commercials selling the El Cordoba, upholstered with rich Corithian Leather. What the fuck is Corinthian Leather anyway? Unless this fucker is selling these piece of shit cars off camera to the dim witted clients.
3.) Mr. Millan portrays that virtually anyone can just choke hold a dog into submission.. and the whole "pack" theorizing. He sounds like a fat Lesbian who henna's her hair with male phobic penis envy. A former illegal immigrant who's had no professional training or schooling in his chosen field, claims his tactics are purely instinctual.
4.) He looks like the guy whom deliberately used to fuck up my order at Burrito King all the fucking time.
5.) He has a preference for "power breeds", German Shepards, Pitt Bulls and Rotweillers, all perfectly capable of biting that bastard in the nalga's.
6.) Cesar looks about 3 foot 6, puting him next to say a Cocker Spaniel would make it look like an imposing crazy dog possessed by the devil. I really don't see him taking on any really vicious dogs, rather preferring to "rehabilitate" small toy dogs and suburban dogs with no real dangerous issues. Come on lets open the big bag of crazy!
7.) He's Mexican and doesn't say "Jes", I am Mexican and even I say it.
8.) Am I the only one who thinks this guy is totally a big Mary, or should I say Margarita.
9.) The pet owners are total fucking welps. The show makes it sound so easy to train a dog's behavioral problems in just a few hours... AS IF JORGE!
10.) The guy dresses like he works at Burrito King!

Shows like Miami Ink and Dog Whisperer make it look all to easy without the pitfalls and real story, or no story at all. I wanted a dog but the sign at Battersea's Dog Home said.. Beware.. Evil Satan Dog making said chosen dog, just not adoptable. So I know their are dogs whom have real issues and that to me would be more interesting than watching some dumb bitch dressed in head to cameltoe pink, wonder why her dog can't stop humping her.

1 comment:

TinkerTank said...

Wow. You are so not funny and you cannot even write well to boot.